I'm bitter and restless and listening to Se7enheads. This band makes me wanna punch life in the face. Now that I'm taking Karate, I find myself wanting to do it all the time. Waiting in line at the grocery store, I catch a glimpse of the person behind me and suddenly I see myself screaming EEEYAH at the top of my lungs while I nail them with a spinning back kick. It's not that I want to hurt people or get in fights, I just love doing it and want to do it all the time. Luckily I have a punching bag in my house now and can train to Se7enheads, Jerry Cantrell and NIN. Nothing gets you into a punching mood like listening to some crunching metal.
My brain feels like a car thats about 40 years old and hasn't been cared for the whole time. It's rusty and needs a ton of work and sure it will be a great car, but only IF you can get it all fixed up. Was I this fucked up last time? I don't think so, although with something as subjective as depression, it's difficult to say whether or not I was more depressed last time than this time. The other day my friend asked me why I was smoking and I told him I only do it when I'm depressed.
"Depressed? You can't be depressed man. You're the happiest person I know."
HAH.
I hate to subject everyone to these bitch, bitch, bitch, whine whine whine journals but it's one of the few outlets I have to get this shit out. In reality, I'm not as bitter or angry or depressed as I seem (unless you bring up Fred Durst....good God how I hate that bastard). I usually try to stay pretty smiley and happy go luck but underneath all that is everything that is in this journal.
My brain feels like a car thats about 40 years old and hasn't been cared for the whole time. It's rusty and needs a ton of work and sure it will be a great car, but only IF you can get it all fixed up. Was I this fucked up last time? I don't think so, although with something as subjective as depression, it's difficult to say whether or not I was more depressed last time than this time. The other day my friend asked me why I was smoking and I told him I only do it when I'm depressed.
"Depressed? You can't be depressed man. You're the happiest person I know."
HAH.
I hate to subject everyone to these bitch, bitch, bitch, whine whine whine journals but it's one of the few outlets I have to get this shit out. In reality, I'm not as bitter or angry or depressed as I seem (unless you bring up Fred Durst....good God how I hate that bastard). I usually try to stay pretty smiley and happy go luck but underneath all that is everything that is in this journal.
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okey, i am back in Philly, no comment, and will you be there on St Patty's Day???
But after all these years, I've just gotten really good at hiding it. After all, no one wants to be friends with a miserable person. They are never any fun.