soeffinhappy

Why is it that the only time you get any love, respect, even just fucking RECOGNITION of your existence is after you've been beaten and abused and completely ignored for so long that you find yourself rejecting all the things you were craving in the first place? How do you find yourself saying "fuck your love, and your friendship and your kindness.....where was it when I needed it?"? It's a farce. A stupid, useless farce. Because you STILL need it. I certainly still do.
I'd like to apologize. I never know when you need my caring. I don't know that you were only pretending the first twenty times you tell me to fuck off and that the twenty first is really the time that you want to me to come and snuggle. Every time you tell me that you just want to be alone....I believed it. And I'm sorry for all that. Silly stupid me, still believing that people are honest and even the people who WEREN'T honest, have grown all up and can be honest now. Too naive to realize that people never change, lies are easier than the truth. I'm sorry that I love you enough to believe you. I'm sorry that I feel that if you say it to me then it must be the truth. I'm sorry that I have faith in you to have faith in me.
Beware of having your Tarot read by someone who knows what they are doing. It opens up doors in your head that sometimes should stay closed.