soeffinhappy

It used to be that he left the back door unlocked. It drove the rest of the people he lived with crazy but he kept doing it anyway. He never revealed the real reason why he left it unlocked but he did it anyway. The real reason was the same as the reason he compulsively answered the phone after one ring and the same reason he checked his e-mail ten times a day. The real reason was that he still held stupid, foolish hope. Hope can be either an amazing blessing or a monstrous curse. Hope can drive people to acheive the impossible but it can also drive people to ignore reality. It has kept many people alive against impossible odds but it has also dangled the false promise of salvation in front of many a damned soul.
One day, he thought, the voice at the other end of the ringing phone would be hers. One day he would find an e-mail telling him that all this foolishness was over and she would be coming home. One day she would come in through the unlocked back door, curl up next to him in bed and he would smile in his sleep, not waking until the next morning when they would share the first kiss of a day when no explanations would be needed. Fool's hopes but hopes none the less.
Eventually he started locking the back door. He stopped answering the phone. Now his e-mails are piling, up unread. When the phone rings, he doesn't bother answering. His caller ID tells him that it's her(although a different her) and he does not have the time or the energy to deal with this other her.
She never did come in through the back door(except in his dreams). She never did call or e-mail. There were no mornings that started with a kiss and needed no explanations. And so now he locks the back door.