I've got this little dilemma that isn't really MY dilemma. Or maybe it is.
When I was young and more often in the company of doorknobs or boneheads, occasionally one of the doorknobs/boneheads would come out with a spectacularly racist observation aimed at someone (or a group of someones) out there in the world. If I took on the aggravation of challenging the expression, they'd often decide the way to defend themselves was to insist that it wasn't something I needed to worry about, because "You're different. We like you. You're not really black" or "You know what we mean. You're not black like that" or some variant on that theme.
I remember being at once aggravated, amused and amazed that my companions would see this as the end of the discussion; a simple resolution. Eventually, the simple resolution for me was to stop spending time with doorknobs and boneheads.
Fast forward twentysomething years. My hot new lover has a hot new lover. My hot new lover's hot new lover is smart, handsome, lives 10 doors away from her, treats her well and shares many of her kinks. Very many of her kinks, if those new bruises are any indication. What my hot new lover's hot new lover says she doesn't share is a taste for men who were born men or a tolerance for people who play for more than one team.
S'matter of fact, within a week of them hooking up, my hot new lover was getting grief from her hot new lover for doing someone whose dick is attached - me. I haven't been privy to the details of these interactions, but I heard enough in one brief conversation to feel really bad for my hot new lover; more than a little cranky at her hot new lover's biphobia. I know my hot new lover is tough, resourceful and very able to stand up for herself. I tried to be quietly supportive and understanding. I tried to make patient allowances for a bully-the-bisexuals-when-there-aren't-any-other-allies-around-to-alienate phenomenon I haven't seen much of since the eighties, but inside I was seething at the degree to which some people feel comfortable making their prejudices other people's problem.
Figuring at least a part of it was a competitive thing that would disappear or diminish once my hot new lover's hot new lover figured out I was just a regular, gimpy old guy, I suggested we meet up sometime. The HNL said that wasn't likely to be OK. I hunkered down and prepared to wait it out; making as much peace as I could with what felt like the likelihood that within a few weeks I'd either be comforting her or needing comfort about her.
I kept in touch. The HNL took my calls from her HNL's bed, where she was near-permanently installed. About 3 days passed. On the fourth day, she called me to say that everything was OK, because her HNL had figured out/remembered who I was (we met on the nude beach a little less than a year ago when she was dating one of my favourite models.)
So... now it's a non-issue, because I've been reassigned to a new category (Safe guy? Almost guy? Not quite a guy?) From what I can tell, that doesn't change the basic math:
Gay & Lesbian=Good.
Straight=Evil
Bi=twice as evil, but really good in bed.
Women=Good
Men=Evil
Me=Different. We like you. You're not really male. You know what we mean. You're not male like that.
Am I seeing this the wrong way? Someone clue me in.
When I was young and more often in the company of doorknobs or boneheads, occasionally one of the doorknobs/boneheads would come out with a spectacularly racist observation aimed at someone (or a group of someones) out there in the world. If I took on the aggravation of challenging the expression, they'd often decide the way to defend themselves was to insist that it wasn't something I needed to worry about, because "You're different. We like you. You're not really black" or "You know what we mean. You're not black like that" or some variant on that theme.
I remember being at once aggravated, amused and amazed that my companions would see this as the end of the discussion; a simple resolution. Eventually, the simple resolution for me was to stop spending time with doorknobs and boneheads.
Fast forward twentysomething years. My hot new lover has a hot new lover. My hot new lover's hot new lover is smart, handsome, lives 10 doors away from her, treats her well and shares many of her kinks. Very many of her kinks, if those new bruises are any indication. What my hot new lover's hot new lover says she doesn't share is a taste for men who were born men or a tolerance for people who play for more than one team.
S'matter of fact, within a week of them hooking up, my hot new lover was getting grief from her hot new lover for doing someone whose dick is attached - me. I haven't been privy to the details of these interactions, but I heard enough in one brief conversation to feel really bad for my hot new lover; more than a little cranky at her hot new lover's biphobia. I know my hot new lover is tough, resourceful and very able to stand up for herself. I tried to be quietly supportive and understanding. I tried to make patient allowances for a bully-the-bisexuals-when-there-aren't-any-other-allies-around-to-alienate phenomenon I haven't seen much of since the eighties, but inside I was seething at the degree to which some people feel comfortable making their prejudices other people's problem.
Figuring at least a part of it was a competitive thing that would disappear or diminish once my hot new lover's hot new lover figured out I was just a regular, gimpy old guy, I suggested we meet up sometime. The HNL said that wasn't likely to be OK. I hunkered down and prepared to wait it out; making as much peace as I could with what felt like the likelihood that within a few weeks I'd either be comforting her or needing comfort about her.
I kept in touch. The HNL took my calls from her HNL's bed, where she was near-permanently installed. About 3 days passed. On the fourth day, she called me to say that everything was OK, because her HNL had figured out/remembered who I was (we met on the nude beach a little less than a year ago when she was dating one of my favourite models.)
So... now it's a non-issue, because I've been reassigned to a new category (Safe guy? Almost guy? Not quite a guy?) From what I can tell, that doesn't change the basic math:
Gay & Lesbian=Good.
Straight=Evil
Bi=twice as evil, but really good in bed.
Women=Good
Men=Evil
Me=Different. We like you. You're not really male. You know what we mean. You're not male like that.
Am I seeing this the wrong way? Someone clue me in.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
lemonkid:
We Discordians must stick apart.
sodome:
But Ms. Quickley, my lovers don't date stupid people. Quite the opposite. I guess that's part of why I'm finding it frustrating. Whaddya do when way smart folks close to you (or close enough to have an effect on people you care about enormously) are attached to conceptual frameworks that don't work for anyone?