and so it came to pass...that i found myself in the basement, on a sunday night, chopping up a cow heart with an ax..........
what had i done to deserve this twist of fate?? i know not.
but let me tell you -- its fucking gross. a cow heart is friggin HUGE. like 60 pounds. I could go into detail about it like the little fragments flying through the air, hitting me in the eye, etc etc.
but i won't. this is a family program..............
so let me add what actually happenned....
SPOILERS! (Click to view) i have not written too much here about my ex/my kid's mother. suffice it to say she is a fucking lunatic. but in a good way. kind of.
anyway, she is a hardcore vegetarian, electric car driver, etc etc. she also has this pack of rat dogs (little white yappy yappy rat dogs). well, according to the dog purists out there, it is WRONG to feed your dogs kibble, because dogs in the wild eat raw meat and that's what they are supposed to eat. so you should feed your dogs a raw diet, consisting of a variety of uncooked flesh ranging from actual steak to organs, guts, etc. you get the picture.
so since she is a vegetarian, she refuses to touch or even be in the same room as any kind of meat or meat products. so the daily task of feeding these rat dogs falls on my son. normally its not a big deal -- pieces of turkey, chicken feet, liver, etc etc. whatever.
but a few months ago, for some unknown fucking reason, the crazy lady decides to buy a cow heart. a whole cow heart. its like the size of a human torso. with all these ventricles, and chambers and other crap. and so it gets delivered and she just plops it -- unwrapped -- into the freezer in the garage.
and thats where it stays. for months.
apparently, and unbeknownst to me, this has become a HUGE friction point between her and my son. she keeps demanding he bring in this giant cow heart and cut it up for the dogs. he refuses, saying "i don't want to thaw out and cut up this gigantic cow heart. its' bigger than ME...." and its gross....
so tonight, after an 18 hour flight from hong kong, i come over and visit my kid, and this gigantic fight breaks out over the cow heart, because apparently the rat dogs are out of food. i took my son's side -- what the fuck are you doing making a teen-aged kid cut up a fucking cow heart? are you nuts?
so she starts lighting into me about how i'm "caving in to his bullshit" and letting him get off scott free. "he always has 1000 excuses why he doesnt want to do his algebra homework or clean his room..."
i'm sorry, but there is a fundamental difference between doing your algebra homework and CUTTING UP A COW HEART with a knife.....
so, in the end, i told him to go to bed, i brought in the cow heart, and did it myself. but its complicated. it was frozen (thank GOD). and there is no easy way to cut up a 60 pound frozen cow heart. first i tried an electric knife. not even a dent. then a tried a jig saw. blade was too small. then a tried the circular saw -- lets just say that was an emergency room visit waiting to happen.
in the end it was the axe that worked the best. i could chunk off 1 lb pieces pretty easy, but little fragments were flying everywhere. in my hair. my eye. all over my clothes...
anyway its done and i am out of there.
any questions why this relationship didn't work out?????
