I once was told that we all want to be shown love in the same way that we give love. This being said I've been married for over 20 years and one issue my wife has had was showing any feelings good or bad, or showing reactions to things that would make anyone else ecstatic. I've always have just marked this up to my wife's family being very odd in the way they show any kind of affection towards each other.
My wife in work has always been a hard worker, she's a dedicated worker, sometimes I've thought to dedicated. My wife works with animals and is very dedicated to what she does. Until recently she ran the hospital for a major animal rescue organization and because she isn't social and doesn't play politics at all she was forced out of her position which caused major issued in her life. It caused issues with depression and anxiety that I couldn't help with and finally after some convincing I got her to get help.
With getting the proper help for my wife she was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrom and while this goes to explain a lot of little quirks and a lot of her issues that she has had her entire life. I've been doing everything I can do to educate myself so I can be supportive and understanding. I love my wife still with all my heart, and this doesn't change how I feel about her, I'm willing to help and work through this, After 20 years I've learned with all the bad we've endured that if we stick together we always come out stronger in the end.
What is troubling me is that I'm having to accept some truths. Some might see this as petty but imagine winning a million dollars and your partner just looks at you and says "O.K." and then walks into the kitchen to get a snack. While it is easy for me to show any kind of affection to my wife, I have to accept that it'll be the little things she does that will in her mind have the same meaning as a large gesture, for example I planned her a 2 week vacation to go home and spend 2 weeks with her family, I took care of the tickets, money, and even got her the time off of work without her knowing it. I even got her parents to keep quiet about it. I didn't tell her until a few days before the trip so she could pack. When I told her she was more focused on work than on her trip. For my wife going to the store and grabbing me a package of peanut butter cups is the same thing as me planning that trip. So I'm going to have to accept the fact that no mater what I do the best I can hope for is small little things she does. It more of a head vs heart issue. In my head I know that the gesture is a big thing on her part, but my heart will always be wanting something bigger.