sneakypie

i'm back! as of five minutes ago!

no, no, i never actually left but we moved a few blocks and then verizon was the devil and wouldn't turn on our dsl til today. and then we had to reconfigure our router, which involved a phone conversation with her old roomatge while i pretended not to be there 'cuz it would raise too many questions.

sigh. i am very hot, and very dirty. i still have bruises from moving in and going to the hospital. the day we moved in, my body finally realized i had a raging kidney infection and so rhi took me to the ER. she'd already taken me to the dr once that day, but i figured it was only fair because she did drop a heavy oak dresser on top of me from our second-story balcony.

i have greasy pink streaks in my hair. i am going to shower now so as to remove the grease.

ahh, that's much better.

it's amazing how when i didn't have the internet to express myself through journals, hatred just bubbled up inside and started accumulating. i don't even usually feel like my journal is for venting, i use it for reflection which can of course include anger. but it was like when i knew there was no place to let it out, i got so resentful.

i'm sure you're asking why i didn't just use paper. but all i had was sticky notes and green engineering paper. engineering paper is not meant for the expression of emotions!!

of course it also might have helped if i'd realized what was going on at the time, but i didn't. i just ignored it, or blamed it on the new apartment with its stupid new-carpet-smell, and its stupid new bus route, and its stupid no backporch and being on the groundfloor and having venetian blinds on all the windows that rhi is obsessive about closing...

I JUST FEEL SO TRAPPED!!!

i finally snapped and started smoking cloves in the house so that it would smell like something when i walked in the door, instead of that overpowering..non-smell. ghehhh. it creeps me out just remembering it in my nose.