snafu371964

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's rich and self-employed,

And when I spend, won't be annoyed.

One who'll pull out my chair and hold...
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You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you...
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A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great.....Some asshole's got my pen!'

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your
Husband's' doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from
another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs
to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too Good."...
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Eighteen Double Vodkas:

A guy Walked into a bar one day and said to the barman,
"Give me six double vodkas."

The Barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what...
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Why do they always ask at the doctor's office, while you are in a room full of strangers, why you are there?
Sometimes the reason for the visit is embarrassing.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The receptionist said, "Yes,...
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle...
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The commanding officer of a regiment in the U.S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual...
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4...
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YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed....
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