TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE
PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care...
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PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care...
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The Wisdom of Larry the cable guy
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7....
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1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7....
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Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy *again*, remarried,... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He...
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She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy *again*, remarried,... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He...
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At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue...
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle...
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While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle...
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I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
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FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
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Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
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Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
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Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,...
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This is old but still good....
So, Michael Phelps was photographed toking on a bong and of course David Letterman had to come up with a TOP TEN list.
Top Ten Michael Phelps Excuses
10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion-dollar endorsements
9. Too much chlorine
8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick?
7. Asked myself, "What would Chong do?"
6. Uh... glaucoma?...
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So, Michael Phelps was photographed toking on a bong and of course David Letterman had to come up with a TOP TEN list.
Top Ten Michael Phelps Excuses
10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion-dollar endorsements
9. Too much chlorine
8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick?
7. Asked myself, "What would Chong do?"
6. Uh... glaucoma?...
Read More
Maybe you guys can give me a hint on where I went wrong.
Well, I lost the Trivia Contest during our church pot-luck dinner last night by 1 point!
Not only did I get the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is *Fiji Islands*
Well, I lost the Trivia Contest during our church pot-luck dinner last night by 1 point!
Not only did I get the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is *Fiji Islands*
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....
It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly...
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It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly...
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The Creation of Ohio
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been"?
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made".
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What...
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Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been"?
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made".
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What...
Read More
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, a store
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value
of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
shopper may choose...
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where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value
of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
shopper may choose...
Read More