snafu371964

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'...
Read More

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to
a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How
dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a...
Read More

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything...
Read More

I was in the pub yesterday, when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married
and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation
eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in
some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare
notes.

Sipping her drink,...
Read More

I was shopping at HEB (the local supermarket) this weekend and I noticed this little old lady following me around. Whenever I stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at me.

She finally overtook me at the checkout. She turned and said , "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

I...
Read More

cold jerky:

The process of suddenly and altogether stopping a perpetual masturbation habit.
Can apply to male or female.

The only way to stop was to go cold jerky.

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he
snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with
him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with
his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot....
Read More

Seven Degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The
husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman
wanting to know if the coast...
Read More