Oh To Be 12 Again....
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her...
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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her...
Read More
Missing wife
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage
man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,"
said one trooper...
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news,
some good news, and...
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scandal_:
Thank you 
A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up
a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry
on shopping.
A few aisles further on along...
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a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry
on shopping.
A few aisles further on along...
Read More
scandal_:
^^ That is AWESOME. 
Just wanted to stop in to say thanks for commenting on my set, but I got a bonus laugh out of it too.
Just wanted to stop in to say thanks for commenting on my set, but I got a bonus laugh out of it too. A Blonde Misunderstanding
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners.....
On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says, "Come Again"....
The blonde says "no it's toothpaste this time you nosy bitch."
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners.....
On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says, "Come Again"....
The blonde says "no it's toothpaste this time you nosy bitch."
Why I fired my Secretary.
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday." I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,...
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Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday." I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,...
Read More
The Pregnant Blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She...
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The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She...
Read More
blaineb693:
HAHAHA I love it! That was a good one.
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm. Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the f**k do you think?"
Little boy: "What the f**k do you think?"
A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
One who'll pull out my chair and hold...
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Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
One who'll pull out my chair and hold...
Read More
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you...
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pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you...
Read More
bitten:
OMG. LOL. I was gonna say pick the old lady.
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great.....Some asshole's got my pen!'
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great.....Some asshole's got my pen!'
jonathaneros:
Great joke. I know some nurses who will love it!
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers.
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your
Husband's' doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from
another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs
to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too Good."...
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"Hello?"
"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your
Husband's' doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from
another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs
to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too Good."...
Read More
wynnifred:
uuummmm..... what did the zero say to the eight?
nice belt
nice belt
Eighteen Double Vodkas:
A guy Walked into a bar one day and said to the barman,
"Give me six double vodkas."
The Barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what...
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A guy Walked into a bar one day and said to the barman,
"Give me six double vodkas."
The Barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what...
Read More
figmentation:
Ha. Funny joke.
i was just trolling and noticed it's your birthday, so happy birthday!
i was just trolling and noticed it's your birthday, so happy birthday!
viking:
Ha! Excellent. Happy Birthday.