A mother stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door
then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying
on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the...
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then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying
on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the...
Read More
WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY.
Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help weed out...
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Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help weed out...
Read More
A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an
attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It
represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men....
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attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It
represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men....
Read More
bitten:
haha cute
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and...
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She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and...
Read More
Miss Beatrice,
The church organist, was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed...
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The church organist, was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed...
Read More
TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE
PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care...
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PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care...
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The Wisdom of Larry the cable guy
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7....
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1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7....
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Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy *again*, remarried,... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He...
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She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy *again*, remarried,... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He...
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At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue...
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle...
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While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle...
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I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,...
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This is old but still good....
So, Michael Phelps was photographed toking on a bong and of course David Letterman had to come up with a TOP TEN list.
Top Ten Michael Phelps Excuses
10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion-dollar endorsements
9. Too much chlorine
8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick?
7. Asked myself, "What would Chong do?"
6. Uh... glaucoma?...
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So, Michael Phelps was photographed toking on a bong and of course David Letterman had to come up with a TOP TEN list.
Top Ten Michael Phelps Excuses
10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion-dollar endorsements
9. Too much chlorine
8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick?
7. Asked myself, "What would Chong do?"
6. Uh... glaucoma?...
Read More
Maybe you guys can give me a hint on where I went wrong.
Well, I lost the Trivia Contest during our church pot-luck dinner last night by 1 point!
Not only did I get the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is *Fiji Islands*
Well, I lost the Trivia Contest during our church pot-luck dinner last night by 1 point!
Not only did I get the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is *Fiji Islands*