Holy shit. I got hit by a car yesterday. That makes 3 times in my life. It's a frighteningly selfdestructive feeling, but it is exciting. I can't deny that I don't enjoy that terrible nausea and the feeling of time slowing. Deep down in my gut, I can feel the car before it even hits me. I think I might have smiled.
I feel this way because I know I'm not going to die. I fully understand and appreciate the whimsical nature of death. I know how fragile life is. I understand all of this, but simply by my nature, I knew I wouldn't die. Hell, I didn't even break any bones. My sternum is bruised. It hurts to breathe.
I have been through some shit in my life. I have been stabbed, poisoned, drowned, and hit by lightning for God's sake. I wonder...
I wonder if I alone have the power to end my life. Am I the final arbiter of my fate?
I may be crossing a line with that one. I may be tempting Fate. It wouldn't be the first time. Then again, this isn't the first time I've been hit by a car. It reminds me of the Jaine Buddhists. Selfdestruction allows one to transcend mortality. I have been everything but careful with my body. I perform stunts that are potentially dangerous. I light myself on fire and manipulate the flames. I jump off my roof and tuck and roll. I climb out of moving vehicles and into the other side. I do all these things without professional training. I could have died so many times. I have put myself into these situations. And everytime that something goes wrong...I use acetalyne instead of ethanol...I land on my ankle...I lose my grip...I know that I won't die. I don't want to die yet. Until I do, I'm going to look death in the eyes, and smile.
I feel this way because I know I'm not going to die. I fully understand and appreciate the whimsical nature of death. I know how fragile life is. I understand all of this, but simply by my nature, I knew I wouldn't die. Hell, I didn't even break any bones. My sternum is bruised. It hurts to breathe.
I have been through some shit in my life. I have been stabbed, poisoned, drowned, and hit by lightning for God's sake. I wonder...
I wonder if I alone have the power to end my life. Am I the final arbiter of my fate?
I may be crossing a line with that one. I may be tempting Fate. It wouldn't be the first time. Then again, this isn't the first time I've been hit by a car. It reminds me of the Jaine Buddhists. Selfdestruction allows one to transcend mortality. I have been everything but careful with my body. I perform stunts that are potentially dangerous. I light myself on fire and manipulate the flames. I jump off my roof and tuck and roll. I climb out of moving vehicles and into the other side. I do all these things without professional training. I could have died so many times. I have put myself into these situations. And everytime that something goes wrong...I use acetalyne instead of ethanol...I land on my ankle...I lose my grip...I know that I won't die. I don't want to die yet. Until I do, I'm going to look death in the eyes, and smile.