smithers_jones

Having time off is great. I even wrote a new song yesterday. I just need to finish the lyrics.

What rhymes with sphincter?

I don't believe in personal lubricants. Lubricant was made to be shared.

In other news, a gay man with a parrot was flirting with me today.

If a dingleberry is a round piece of poo entangled in your butt hairs, a weiner shaped piece of poo entangled in your butt hairs would be what?

That's right kids, a dingledong. Make a note. On this day a new word has come into existence, please make use of it.

And that, my friends, is how language progresses.

Last night I saw something you don't see everyday: a guy in a Lucha mask in a mosh pit. I kind of admired that he kept it on the entire show.

Would you rather be 1) Stupid and Happy or 2) Smart and miserable?

Why does the guy at the Coffee Bean still call me "Boss"? Is it my striking resemblance to Bruce Springsteen?

Historical sidenote/redeeming intellectual comment of the day: The term boss was popularized in the 19th century by the American white working class to replace the term "master" commonly used to refer to employers. This was a way for white workers to distance themselves linguistically from...
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My favorite day of the week is almost here.

All I know is that before the week is through, somebody will get punched in the head.