smellsl1keaclown

The Monster Rap


I'm walking down the street. Chillin, illin, feeling good. Struttin down a dark alley in a shady neighborhood. Then all of a sudden Dracula fucking appears with a set of pointy fangs and some matching pointy ears.He grabbed me by the shirt and said
"I vant to suck your blood!"
And so I kicked him in the gut and said
"Fuck up out my hood!"
He turned into a bat and started flying all around. So, I grabbed my trusty Louisville and knocked him to the ground. He switched to human form once he landed in the dumpster. So I jumped up on his chest and started digging through the trash near, and I found a bloody tampon used and dripping gooey junk and I shoved it down his throat and said, "Suck on this, you punk!"

I'm a monster too.
I ain't got time for you.
I got pain dealin'
And thrillin'
And killin'
And blood spillin' to do.

So now my nerves are shot. I gotta get a glass of alcohol. There's zombies on the street though, I won't make-it-to-the-bar-before last call. They're circling around me like the "Thriller" music video, but that fight before got me REAARing to fucking go.
Dark dark black street
Are you fucking armed?
Yes sir Yes sir, 'bout to do some harm
Axe for this zombie
Ball-bat for this brain
Double-Barrel SawedOff make 'em fall like Zombie Rain.
Dark dark black street
What you gonna do?
I ain't fucking scared because I'm a monster too.

I'm a monster too.
I ain't got time for you.
I got pain dealin'
And thrillin'
And killin'
And blood spillin' to do.

It's been a crazy fucking night, so now I want to get fucked up. So I pull out my shit and I do another bump. And a line. To get me to the bar in fucking time. I take a shortcut through the woods. The moon is full so I'll be fine. I'm running through the trees trying to get to the bar with speed. When a werewolf smacked me in the face and knocked me down and made me bleed. I picked my ass up and I dusted off my nuts. That fucker fucking roared at me. So I roared back like "whut?" We collided in mid-air, and then he clawed me in the gut. And so I bit him on his face and then I kicked him with a 'thud'. I took him to the ground and almost choked that fuck to death. I could see his eyeballs turning, he was running out of breath. He was almost dead, I had him at the brink. But then I let him go and said,
"Good fight, let's get a drink."

I'm a werewolf too.
I want to hang with you.
We got pain dealin'
And thrillin'
And killin'
And booze swillin' to do.



Skylar Lonidier
2006