I havent touched my guitars in a year, havent recorded anything in at least 2. When I hit 40 and realized it was too late for anything I went into sleep mode. The more I tried the worse things seemed to get. I thought I could hide or find strength in my music. In retrospect that was foolish and arrogant (honestly verging on retarded). I overshared and thought because it was raw it must be earnest.......it wasnt. Sometimes I get asked in my day to day about music production and I just look at them and say "dont ask me, anything I tell you may be the opposite of the correct choice. I dont know, all I can tell you is what doesnt work".
For so many years I had people inflating my sense of ability. But when I was in my late 30's when someone said "you should be in a band", everything flashed in front of me like you hear from a near death experience. I was never actually good and if I was I wouldnt be doing this alone at almost 40.
Seriously not a pity party, I just need to say it out loud is all. I know what I am now and I have to be ok with that. What is, is. I just want to make music for myself again. I do need to sell some of these guitars though. I think I should part with a certain gutar......I dont know. Not blaming it, just another straw on the camel's broken back.
