Kay so I'm bored and decided to create one of those random surveys that everyone spams to people (all the cools kids are doing it) Anywhoo, here it is, if you comment or read it I wanna see you answer this darned quiz, yadda yadda yadda, so on and so forth. When you finish reading this you can take it if you want as well and use it for your own amusement (mostly i want to see peoples answers so that i may judge them and decide who's funnier than who, all serious answers can and will be ridiculed)
And now for a little survey i like to call
Dan's Survey for the Sophisticates
1. If you were to order your perfect woman as a metaphorical cup of coffee at starbucks what would your order be?
2. Left with but one last topping for your toast every morning, which would you pick? Jam, Peanut Butter, or Cheez Whiz? And what do you think this says about you as a person? (and no mixing up the choices, SO HELP ME IF YOU MIX UP YOUR CHOICES!!!)
3. if you were a McDonalds Menu item what would you be and why?
4. What's your pornstar name?
5. If all the cereal mascots got into a bar fight who would win and why?
6. Creepiest pick up line you have ever heard or said?
7. if you could have a one night stand with any cartoon character who would it be and why?
8. If you had to marry any cartoon character who would it be and why?
9. If you were a Care Bear what would your name and specialty be?
10. Where do babies come from and where shouldn't they come from?
11. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
12. If I were ice cream how would you eat me?
13. Who is the best person to have hit on you at the bar? Straight, gay or Bi? And why?
14. Do you want to own a midget and why?
15. How do you like your banana split?
And in case you care, here's my answers
1. If you were to order your perfect woman as a metaphorical cup of coffee at starbucks what would your order be?
I like my women like I like my coffee .... sugary sweet, creamy white and in a Styrofoam cup ...... that last part was a little awkward
2. Left with but one last topping for your toast every morning, which would you pick? Jam, Peanut Butter, or Cheez Whiz? And what do you think this says about you as a person? (and no mixing up the choices, SO HELP ME IF YOU MIX UP YOUR CHOICES!!!)
Strawberry Rhubarb Jam
It says "Hey I'm a sweet fun loving fella who's not afraid to mix it up ... plus sometimes I have weird chunky parts ......"
3. if you were a McDonald's Menu item what would you be and why?
McFreedom Fries
Cause Wheat kills me and that's about the only item without wheat in .... and because the french are weird folk ... smell like cabbage
4. What's your pornstar name? CocoaHotAss. I feel this name best represents my greatest asset, my hot ghetto booty
5. If all the cereal mascots got into a bar fight who would win and why?
Tony the Tiger, he's not only a ferocious tiger but the dude is highly competitive and on roids. A drunken roid raging tiger for the win! (plus the dude has a kid who has to be 18 by now so that little bastard can back him up too)
6. Creepiest pick up line you have ever heard or said?
"I'm like the brother you never had" and yes i have actually said this, not sure why ....... and no it doesn't work
7. if you could have a one night stand with any cartoon character who would it be and why? Esmeralda, cause she's a hottie with a body but she's also a gypsy and not trustworthy, she will dump me for the next piece of man meat that comes along. (plus if I need to get rid of her I'll pull out a camera and threaten to steal her soul)
8. If you had to marry any cartoon character who would it be and why?
Jessica Rabbit .... do I really need a reason why? She is the perfect woman, hot, sexual, a demon in the sack, plus she married a retard rabbit, so you know she has low standards. get all the reward with none of the effort
9. If you were a Care Bear what would your name and specialty be?
I'd be the Don't Give A Shit Bear.
A bear with the special ability to just not give a shit
10. Where do babies come from and where shouldn't they come from?
You see woman have "humps" they also have "lady lumps". Now what do woman do with all that "junk" all that "junk inside that trunk"? They get us love drunk of these humps, these lovely little lumps. Why do do we get love drunk? Simply because they are "Fergalicious", what is Fergalicious? Well Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco. So how does this explain where babies come from? Well you see because these "humps" and "lumps" are so "fergalicious" we men are drawn to women. Eventually you find one woman more fergalicious than the rest, and so if I may quote some modern day scholars all shall be explained.
"I met a girl down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go. I could be your baby, you can be my honey. Let's spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight."
Where shouldn't they come from? Carnies
11. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
because I have a wonderfully melodious voice like Sleeping Beauty's .... I also use this to my advantage by enslaving small woodland creatures and make them dance with me
12. If I were ice cream how would you eat me?
Well if you were an ice cream in my families freezer I'd eat you hard and fast with alot of biting and gnashing of teeth, and then I'd probably get brain freeze all in an effort to scraff down the ice cream before anyone else in my family can have it
13. Who is the best person to have hit on you at the bar? Straight, gay or Bi? And why?
Bi.
Here's how it breaks down
Straight - looked at one half of the bar and picked you
Gay - looked at one half and said no, and choose you from the other half
Bi- they're looking at the whole room, so that means you beat every person in that bar as most attractive
14. Do you want to own a midget and why?
Yes, and yes
Who in their right mind doesn't want one? They're amazing! Get a little butler outfit for that guy and get a carrying bag for him so you can go shopping together just like Paris and her little dog, only better cause my small purse dwelling creatures doesn't have creepy watery eyes
15. How do you like your banana split?
I don't want my banana to split, the children would be devastated .... I can change, I swear
And now for a little survey i like to call
Dan's Survey for the Sophisticates
1. If you were to order your perfect woman as a metaphorical cup of coffee at starbucks what would your order be?
2. Left with but one last topping for your toast every morning, which would you pick? Jam, Peanut Butter, or Cheez Whiz? And what do you think this says about you as a person? (and no mixing up the choices, SO HELP ME IF YOU MIX UP YOUR CHOICES!!!)
3. if you were a McDonalds Menu item what would you be and why?
4. What's your pornstar name?
5. If all the cereal mascots got into a bar fight who would win and why?
6. Creepiest pick up line you have ever heard or said?
7. if you could have a one night stand with any cartoon character who would it be and why?
8. If you had to marry any cartoon character who would it be and why?
9. If you were a Care Bear what would your name and specialty be?
10. Where do babies come from and where shouldn't they come from?
11. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
12. If I were ice cream how would you eat me?
13. Who is the best person to have hit on you at the bar? Straight, gay or Bi? And why?
14. Do you want to own a midget and why?
15. How do you like your banana split?
And in case you care, here's my answers
1. If you were to order your perfect woman as a metaphorical cup of coffee at starbucks what would your order be?
I like my women like I like my coffee .... sugary sweet, creamy white and in a Styrofoam cup ...... that last part was a little awkward
2. Left with but one last topping for your toast every morning, which would you pick? Jam, Peanut Butter, or Cheez Whiz? And what do you think this says about you as a person? (and no mixing up the choices, SO HELP ME IF YOU MIX UP YOUR CHOICES!!!)
Strawberry Rhubarb Jam
It says "Hey I'm a sweet fun loving fella who's not afraid to mix it up ... plus sometimes I have weird chunky parts ......"
3. if you were a McDonald's Menu item what would you be and why?
McFreedom Fries
Cause Wheat kills me and that's about the only item without wheat in .... and because the french are weird folk ... smell like cabbage
4. What's your pornstar name? CocoaHotAss. I feel this name best represents my greatest asset, my hot ghetto booty
5. If all the cereal mascots got into a bar fight who would win and why?
Tony the Tiger, he's not only a ferocious tiger but the dude is highly competitive and on roids. A drunken roid raging tiger for the win! (plus the dude has a kid who has to be 18 by now so that little bastard can back him up too)
6. Creepiest pick up line you have ever heard or said?
"I'm like the brother you never had" and yes i have actually said this, not sure why ....... and no it doesn't work
7. if you could have a one night stand with any cartoon character who would it be and why? Esmeralda, cause she's a hottie with a body but she's also a gypsy and not trustworthy, she will dump me for the next piece of man meat that comes along. (plus if I need to get rid of her I'll pull out a camera and threaten to steal her soul)
8. If you had to marry any cartoon character who would it be and why?
Jessica Rabbit .... do I really need a reason why? She is the perfect woman, hot, sexual, a demon in the sack, plus she married a retard rabbit, so you know she has low standards. get all the reward with none of the effort
9. If you were a Care Bear what would your name and specialty be?
I'd be the Don't Give A Shit Bear.
A bear with the special ability to just not give a shit
10. Where do babies come from and where shouldn't they come from?
You see woman have "humps" they also have "lady lumps". Now what do woman do with all that "junk" all that "junk inside that trunk"? They get us love drunk of these humps, these lovely little lumps. Why do do we get love drunk? Simply because they are "Fergalicious", what is Fergalicious? Well Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco. So how does this explain where babies come from? Well you see because these "humps" and "lumps" are so "fergalicious" we men are drawn to women. Eventually you find one woman more fergalicious than the rest, and so if I may quote some modern day scholars all shall be explained.
"I met a girl down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go. I could be your baby, you can be my honey. Let's spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight."
Where shouldn't they come from? Carnies
11. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
because I have a wonderfully melodious voice like Sleeping Beauty's .... I also use this to my advantage by enslaving small woodland creatures and make them dance with me
12. If I were ice cream how would you eat me?
Well if you were an ice cream in my families freezer I'd eat you hard and fast with alot of biting and gnashing of teeth, and then I'd probably get brain freeze all in an effort to scraff down the ice cream before anyone else in my family can have it
13. Who is the best person to have hit on you at the bar? Straight, gay or Bi? And why?
Bi.
Here's how it breaks down
Straight - looked at one half of the bar and picked you
Gay - looked at one half and said no, and choose you from the other half
Bi- they're looking at the whole room, so that means you beat every person in that bar as most attractive
14. Do you want to own a midget and why?
Yes, and yes
Who in their right mind doesn't want one? They're amazing! Get a little butler outfit for that guy and get a carrying bag for him so you can go shopping together just like Paris and her little dog, only better cause my small purse dwelling creatures doesn't have creepy watery eyes
15. How do you like your banana split?
I don't want my banana to split, the children would be devastated .... I can change, I swear
Tall, upside-down, and covered in caramel. (idk...)
2. Left with but one last topping for your toast every morning, which would you pick? Jam, Peanut Butter, or Cheez Whiz? And what do you think this says about you as a person?
You missed the most important topping. Nutella. Fail.
3. if you were a McDonalds Menu item what would you be and why?
Double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce. Don't be frontin' son, no seeds on this bun. I be up in this drive-thru, order for two.
4. What's your pornstar name?
Dicky Richard
5. If all the cereal mascots got into a bar fight who would win and why?
Toucan Sam. He'd just fly above the rest until they all killed each other, then snipe off the last remaining one. He'd be the one HIGHLANDER.
6. Creepiest pick up line you have ever heard or said?
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I'd be coming too (I used it in jest on one of my female friends on halloween)
7. if you could have a one night stand with any cartoon character who would it be and why?
Power Girl. She's FUCKING HOT.
8. If you had to marry any cartoon character who would it be and why?
Dinah Lance (Black Canary). Her and Green Arrow have a decent married life... I figure it would be something equally good or better.
9. If you were a Care Bear what would your name and specialty be?
Vagina Bear... I "care for" vaginas that feel neglected.
10. Where do babies come from and where shouldn't they come from?
They come from the fusion of a male sperm cell with the female's ovum in the woman's uterine lining. They shouldn't come from storks, because a child flying at that altitude would suffer from hypoxia, hypothermia, and a consequently weakened immune system at a very young age.
11. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
They follow me around, hoping against hope that I'll take my clothes off for them.
12. If I were ice cream how would you eat me?
I'd give you to the little kid who dropped his ice cream because I backed into him when I realized, to my surprise, that my ice cream was actually a very small man.
13. Who is the best person to have hit on you at the bar? Straight, gay or Bi? And why?
I'm 18. As such, I've only been to bars/clubs when I knew the people who had rented out the venue for the night. Coincidentally, both times, the event being celebrated was a homosexual man's birthday. Hence, I had gay guys hitting on me. While I (being straight) was not reciprocating, it was rather flattering.
14. Do you want to own a midget and why?
No, because then I'd have to feed it and pay for it's upkeep.
15. How do you like your banana split?
By a hot, naked, female dessert chef about to make me the best sundae of my life, with an even happier ending.