slut_free_youth

went skating last night until almost 4am... and then finally retired to my room when i realized... i was skating for almost 7 hours and wasting my whole night thinking about bullshit. it sucks how much certain things eat at you, when you wish they wouldnt.. yet the things most would want to get to you, just dont.
i had some kids come up to me last night and talked about how "cool" it was to see a girl who skates with "interesting" tattoos... interesting meaning i have the naughty words across my belt line now, and since ive lost so much weight from not eating or sleeping much, my pants never seem to stay on right... so everyone gets a nice little phrase when they see my lower stomach area. i ended up talking to these 5 kids... *kids meaning about 15 or so..*.. and they noticed i have been out at this particular park every night, ill leave when my friends leave, and then come back alone.. i wondered to myself what these lil ones were doing out after 1am anyway, but i figured since its none of my concern, i wont ask... but anywho... we talked, they were really cool and mature for being their age. i was really surprised how down to earth they were... cool cats i tell ya.

i got home.. and went to my room to retire for the night and watch shrek 2 or something that makes me feel a little better... and i couldnt find pineapple (my little tiny kitten)... and i searched, everywhere.. i was going crazy looking for him.. .and i started to panic... i walked into my closet to get my shoes so that i can go look outside fearing the worst... and there he was. sleeping, next to batmans urn, his little body wrapped around batman and he was purring... and i stood there in a dead silence... and tears came pouring down.. im such a mess. instead of moving him, i just put my shoes away, and walked away from the closet and sat on my bed for a bit, doing nothing, just sitting.. and then i started reading, i pulled out a couple old books that i havent touched in a while... william faulkner : sound and the fury.... dean koontz : whispers... collective poems by edgar allen poe...
and... for the past 5 hours, ive been flipping through the pages, stopping at every page that i have highlighted... and just read what i marked... and i learned a lot about myself.
i suggest people should try doing that sometime... while reading a book you enjoy, highlight the parts that stand out, that leave you coming back and rereading... and then... when youre finished... wait a bit, and then go look back at what you did.. you notice this crazy pattern of traits you carry as an individual... promise.

ehh, yeah
time to start my day again. wee!