I took a bitch of a test today... I probably bombed it. Of couse, I thought that I did poorly on the first exam in this class, but when I got it back, I ended up doing really well. So, since I think that I did worse on this one, if the same luck holds, maybe I'll end up doing even better than last time...
I spent the evening hanging out with two good friends... Just sitting in one of their apartments. talking, yelling, cursing, laughing... We allowed each other to vent and complain... Difficult classes, bank accounts drained at semester's end, debt, broken down cars, the uncertainty of the future (and the present), whether or not we're accomplishing anything, whether or not our degrees will be worth even the paper they will be printed on, whether or not our lives have amounted or will amount to anything...
The subject then switched to the ladies in our lives... My friends are both currently in long-term and long-distance relationships... They talked and laughed about arguing over the phone with their girlfriends, about being overjoyed to see them again after long periods of time apart, about what each is doing at their respective colleges and jobs, and, of course, about the upcoming years...
As for what I added to this part of the conversation: I kissed a lovely, kind, witty and intelligent girl "goodbye" several weeks ago. We haven't seen each other since, although we have sent numerous emails and talked over the phone (I went about $200 in excess of my cell plan minutes; it was worth it though to hear her voice)... We are not dating, but we are more than friends, which somehow is not supposed to imply anything... But we have made love, and cuddled naked against one another under blankets, staring into each others' eyes in a way that I could not take as "this is just for this moment"... But then she avoids seeming too affectionate in the emails, and I can not bring myself to ask her things that I am dying to know about what she thinks... Maybe it was just for that moment (and the few others before it). I should be glad for the time we did get to spend together. I should accept that I...... Maybe I should stop whining like a lovelorn seventh-grader...
Anyway- From there the conversation digressed into a mixture of poetry and perversion about the awkwardness, humor, passion, eroticism, raunchiness, and affection that we have experienced with each of them during sex (my comments starting more with "she did" than "she does")... It was fun, laughing about and rejoicing these things without degrading them in the way that most guys do when talking about women they are supposed to care about... H.M. would have been proud (I think)...
My friends talked about going home over the upcoming long weekend and seeing their girlfriends. I wondered if I'll get another email from my "pseudo-girlfriend", or not; I just put it out of my mind...
Now I'm at home, and once again, for the however-many-thousandth time in my life, I can not get to sleep...
This is fun... I don't know if any of it is interesting, or if it makes any sense, but writing it (er, typing) was a blast.
Holy fucking shit it is 4:15 in the morning... Class is really going to suck tommorrow (today)...
I spent the evening hanging out with two good friends... Just sitting in one of their apartments. talking, yelling, cursing, laughing... We allowed each other to vent and complain... Difficult classes, bank accounts drained at semester's end, debt, broken down cars, the uncertainty of the future (and the present), whether or not we're accomplishing anything, whether or not our degrees will be worth even the paper they will be printed on, whether or not our lives have amounted or will amount to anything...
The subject then switched to the ladies in our lives... My friends are both currently in long-term and long-distance relationships... They talked and laughed about arguing over the phone with their girlfriends, about being overjoyed to see them again after long periods of time apart, about what each is doing at their respective colleges and jobs, and, of course, about the upcoming years...
As for what I added to this part of the conversation: I kissed a lovely, kind, witty and intelligent girl "goodbye" several weeks ago. We haven't seen each other since, although we have sent numerous emails and talked over the phone (I went about $200 in excess of my cell plan minutes; it was worth it though to hear her voice)... We are not dating, but we are more than friends, which somehow is not supposed to imply anything... But we have made love, and cuddled naked against one another under blankets, staring into each others' eyes in a way that I could not take as "this is just for this moment"... But then she avoids seeming too affectionate in the emails, and I can not bring myself to ask her things that I am dying to know about what she thinks... Maybe it was just for that moment (and the few others before it). I should be glad for the time we did get to spend together. I should accept that I...... Maybe I should stop whining like a lovelorn seventh-grader...
Anyway- From there the conversation digressed into a mixture of poetry and perversion about the awkwardness, humor, passion, eroticism, raunchiness, and affection that we have experienced with each of them during sex (my comments starting more with "she did" than "she does")... It was fun, laughing about and rejoicing these things without degrading them in the way that most guys do when talking about women they are supposed to care about... H.M. would have been proud (I think)...
My friends talked about going home over the upcoming long weekend and seeing their girlfriends. I wondered if I'll get another email from my "pseudo-girlfriend", or not; I just put it out of my mind...
Now I'm at home, and once again, for the however-many-thousandth time in my life, I can not get to sleep...
This is fun... I don't know if any of it is interesting, or if it makes any sense, but writing it (er, typing) was a blast.
Holy fucking shit it is 4:15 in the morning... Class is really going to suck tommorrow (today)...