slimey

im feelin weak today. i didint get to talk to my therapist. she is out of town. i cant believe how much i miss talkin to that skinny old wench.

you know the ending sene in the movie fifth element.
where milla is like " i was builtto pretect not to love blablhab and tehn shes like all sobing and limp and she like "please tell me you love me"

yeah. we all have our low points.

but robot is being stinky. really stinky and its keeping my spirits up.

i hope someone comes home soon.
neon jus called me. img oin to bartoz hows wit her.

blah.
i hate snow.
and i hate the confusing registration people. and i hate having to pee. and i hate having to eat.
and i hate cold feet. and i hate my stupid exboyfirned for exisitng. i hate it all. i hate everything. the only thing left for me now is comics and movies. i hate my bad typing. i hate my latent submissive personality. i hate feelings. i hate winter. i hate dirty. i hate it alwasy being about boys verses girls. i hate not having more tatooes. i hate things. i hate an infinit number of other things, even though sometimes i like them. i hate the fact that i have no upper body strengh. or at least not enough to do a good spine buster suplex combo to a certain someone that sucks. i hate my music collection. i hate not having my bed right now. cu z i still need to build one. i hate things that dont smell the way i want them to . i hate my refridgerator for not havign mroe food in it. i hate the mice htat live in my stove. i hate my socks cuz there clamy. i hate the bath tub for not being hotter. i hate the night becasue my not existent bed is cold and it makes me weak. i hate feelin like im 14 AND MISSUNDERSTOOD even though im not. i hate myself for finally swallowing my pride, only over a hopeless cause. i hate feeling humiliated. i hate the fact that i let someone who looks at dogs fucking weman on the internet make me feel dirty. i hate how hard i tried to please him. i hate how much money i spent on him. i hate that i kept. i hate that if i got my wish and i got to fucking break his face agian it would only make me love him . i feel tainted withthe weakness. i feel like a fucking girl. a week stupid confused "crazy" fucking girl. my pride is so hurt that i cant look one of my guy friends in the eye anymore becasue im afraid he will think im silly. i hate that i thought i was suposed to do this. i wasnt supose to take this bull shit. i should have never fucking compromisedmyself. but it hought thats what you do in relationships to make them werk. im so stupid. i fucking listen to stupid people i surounded myself withthings that made it ok for me. i feel like a drug addict. i hate his expectations of me. i hate that everyithgn he said he was about he was doing the oposite. how can you love someone but not like who they are as a person. how can you wan to marry someone that you think is dirty. being with him took the joy ou tof living.

well at least i got that back.
this is teh single most embarrasing era of my entire life.

i will never live this down.