Got a couple yahoo messages over the past couple days from some new friends I made here and added me, asking if I'm still alive. I am. BUT, I tried to rescue some feral kittens (the mother delivered another litter then abandoned them when they were old enough to make it to my house to scrounge yet again as she does EVERY spring!). Problem this time, when I was gathering up the two that are left to take to a farm that has barn cats and is cool with it, one went into the carrier fine, the other went crazy and tore both my hands apart, and being feral cats, both my hands are like balloons and I'm on massive antibiotics so typing isn't that easy right now. Can't really chat on yahoo, can't type fast enough, and answering when I get the messages could have me in chat and typing and it hurts TOO much.
In the meantime...for amusement and because it saves me a lot of typing (too late, already am hurting from what I did type) I send the following amusements... man I'll probably lose half my male friends over this! *smirk*
BEGIN AMUSEMENT:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors
would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said -
That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the
sofa and fart.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could
have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
/amusement
(I'll be catching up on replies soon, when swelling goes down and I'm less ouchie)
In the meantime...for amusement and because it saves me a lot of typing (too late, already am hurting from what I did type) I send the following amusements... man I'll probably lose half my male friends over this! *smirk*
BEGIN AMUSEMENT:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors
would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said -
That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the
sofa and fart.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could
have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
/amusement
(I'll be catching up on replies soon, when swelling goes down and I'm less ouchie)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
It will take a lot more than guy jokes to offend me.
[Edited on May 27, 2006 5:20AM]