sleeptyper

Okay.. I've been in a really shitty mood for a long time. Part of it was that I've had this really frustrating situation with a friend I'm trying to deal with. The other part is that my whole thing has been school. Since I was twelve, school was my goal. Then, sometime last year, it stopped being important. I thought the whole situation had become clear. Then, I lost it again. So I'm just incredibly confused and it pisses me off, lol. For so long, school was what I did, was how my day went. It was something that mattered to me. Now.. I don't know that I have anything to give a shit about... so I'm confused. I'm rudderless.. and I'm trying to find myself. Fuck. I gotta get off my ass more, but still. I want to stay in chicago, but i don't know if i will be able to. i mean I can, but I don't know if its what I should do, or what. I'm just not sure if anything I'm doing is what I want to do. So there. I've been pissed and frustrated because I have NO clue what in the hell I'm doing with my life, nor what I should do, and im a logical person who always tries to know what he is doing. I like to have a goal or a purpose, and I have none. I havent even told my parents I'm dropping out of grad school... I just keep pushing things back... so I am clueless now. Spiraling out of control. Lots more cliches. Gawd I hate having this attitude. Maybe I will clean this up later... but fixing things or doing that kind of thing isnt my mood right now, lol.