80 hour work weeks an nobody will give an inch of fucking bending over backwards to help me or deal with me. Not my full-time job, not my friends, not enemies, not parents/relatives, not myself! Everybody is fucking demanding more from me now than when I workd 40 hours a week! Fuck 'em I say, FUCK EM!!!!! 
I'm not going insane, am I?
and another thing that's really bugging me is my friends who just had their baby. I'm a seriously frightened by this thing. I haven't held him yet becuase I am seriously afraid. I don't know of what. Afraid of dropping him, maybe. I think it's more like I am afriad because I can just tell how mush responsiblity kids are. I would love to be a father, and I know i could be a good one. But I just don't want to have a kid. I've seen tons of babies. Why has seeing this one hit me so hard. These people are so close to my heart. I feel like they are the only people i can trust in my life right now. He got me my 2nd job, and she has given me advice. They are the ones that got me partying when all I wanted to do was sit on my ass and build webpages. I can't believe how much life changes when you are an adult. It just seems like everyone is changing around me. My other friend got married and bought a house, my sister got married a couple of years ago and they have a house. And all of these people are younger than me. And I am stagnet. Is it because I don't beleive in God? Is it because I have a hard time coping with stress? Is it that I really am :"disabled" to everyone, even tho they all say that I'm not in their eyes? How else can it be explained that I've never had a girlfriend. I can't find a job to save my life, even when I am qualified. i can't find help from disability agencies because I'm not disabled enough. I have to work 2 jobs to be able to support myself even without a love life or kids!
I always say that normal is unrealistic. Nobody is normal. But why am I experiencing shit different from everyone else I know?
Now am I insane?
I'm not going insane, am I?
and another thing that's really bugging me is my friends who just had their baby. I'm a seriously frightened by this thing. I haven't held him yet becuase I am seriously afraid. I don't know of what. Afraid of dropping him, maybe. I think it's more like I am afriad because I can just tell how mush responsiblity kids are. I would love to be a father, and I know i could be a good one. But I just don't want to have a kid. I've seen tons of babies. Why has seeing this one hit me so hard. These people are so close to my heart. I feel like they are the only people i can trust in my life right now. He got me my 2nd job, and she has given me advice. They are the ones that got me partying when all I wanted to do was sit on my ass and build webpages. I can't believe how much life changes when you are an adult. It just seems like everyone is changing around me. My other friend got married and bought a house, my sister got married a couple of years ago and they have a house. And all of these people are younger than me. And I am stagnet. Is it because I don't beleive in God? Is it because I have a hard time coping with stress? Is it that I really am :"disabled" to everyone, even tho they all say that I'm not in their eyes? How else can it be explained that I've never had a girlfriend. I can't find a job to save my life, even when I am qualified. i can't find help from disability agencies because I'm not disabled enough. I have to work 2 jobs to be able to support myself even without a love life or kids!
I always say that normal is unrealistic. Nobody is normal. But why am I experiencing shit different from everyone else I know?
Now am I insane?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
but you aren't insane.
and as far as the baby goes, i experienced the same emotions when my niece was born. now she's two. you know what she did last night? fell asleep laying with me on the couch, i put her to bed, she woke up from a wet diaper and after i changed her she wouldn't let me put her down. so she layed on me and fell asleep like that.
words don't even begin to describe that kind of feeling.
as far as the rest of your life goes, i can't answer all of it, and the answers i do have to offer, i don't know how much stock i'd put in them if i were you.
girlfriend = they come around when you aren't looking.
your friends and family marrying, buying houses, having children and you not = not everyone does stuff at the same time. and do you really want that level of responsiblity before you're ready?
hang in there babe.
it can't rain all the time
how you doing??
I got the outfit for you if you want it!!
sorry you are having a hard time.....
did not mean the pun!!
stop by anytime
KRISS