I was talking to this ex-hooker one day and she said to me "if we're talking we're fucking" I think this is how life can feel sometimes...like human connection can be a bit overwhelming...
this is why sideways glances on the bus can turn my stomach and passing idle people chatting into cell phones can be too much. Like I'm sharing this space with a multitude of people and each one has such a powerful complexity to them that the whole landscape can bowl you over.
Sometimes I don't want to know what tune you picked out for your cell phone jingle, and I don't want to see that you picked out purple socks when they peek out from under business suit slacks. But I suppose this nausaus reaction to bumping into people's private and sordid and laconic and disasterous lives is cowardly and ultimatly stunting.
So...I promise next time I won't avert my eyes when we catch each other sizing things up midstare on the bus home.
this is why sideways glances on the bus can turn my stomach and passing idle people chatting into cell phones can be too much. Like I'm sharing this space with a multitude of people and each one has such a powerful complexity to them that the whole landscape can bowl you over.
Sometimes I don't want to know what tune you picked out for your cell phone jingle, and I don't want to see that you picked out purple socks when they peek out from under business suit slacks. But I suppose this nausaus reaction to bumping into people's private and sordid and laconic and disasterous lives is cowardly and ultimatly stunting.
So...I promise next time I won't avert my eyes when we catch each other sizing things up midstare on the bus home.
Because it's not honest, and because it's not constructive and because it's human and sometimes, depending on the culture/day in age, "human" can be a dirty word.
I'd much rather be allowed to appraise a stranger, and when they turn around, meet their eyes, and smile.
Mmmm... honesty.
diff btwn people in san diego & hawaii:
alot of people in san diego (are stuck on themselves), they never smile @ you if you accidentally make eye contact with them, unless you smile @ them first ( but there's still a 50% chance theyll sneer.) & i know everyone gets in a bad moods regularly, but ive never lived anywhere else where peoples default reaction to eye contact is so unanimously an uncongenial leer.
now to contrast....
when i lived in hawaii, there's a insanely large population of oriental people, who are generally polite. & then there are all these gargantuan samoans who i had the pleasure of going to 12 years of public school with, who make bloody messes in the bathrooms during lunch.
i think i have been thourally conditioned to know how to NOT get my head smashed against a sink, for throwing a dirty look.