This sucks.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not.
I hate being so depressed, it is seriously wearing me down...
I can't believe how much I still miss her.....I didn't think it was possible to miss anyone this much....just the thought of her face looking at me and smiling brings me to tears...and I can't not think...
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I can't take it anymore.
I can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not.
I hate being so depressed, it is seriously wearing me down...
I can't believe how much I still miss her.....I didn't think it was possible to miss anyone this much....just the thought of her face looking at me and smiling brings me to tears...and I can't not think...
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So everything I have of Stephanie's is in a box in my room.
All the things I have left of hers fits into a box. In my room.
Stephanie. Is in a box. In my room.
How fucked up is that...
I never thought a day like this would come.....but it has.....and there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it...
Thinking of you, thinking...
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All the things I have left of hers fits into a box. In my room.
Stephanie. Is in a box. In my room.
How fucked up is that...
I never thought a day like this would come.....but it has.....and there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it...
Thinking of you, thinking...
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So, yeah, I'm back at work......working 12 hour night shifts.....man does it suck.....depressing as all hell......I'm really starting to hate the feeling I'm in.......sure I may laugh and have fun at times, but it's not like it used to be......and I want it to be like it used to be.......I used to be happy all the time, now I'm never really truly happy, ever.
I...
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I...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
manual:
hey klub,,,,
You gotta see if you can get off the night shifts, and get out and see some sunlight.
Being depressed can certainly wear you down, but come now, you are definately doing alot better then you could be. If you in a pit, you can't just jump outta it, you gotta climb!
re: masterbation. Listen, if it helps, manual will abstain from jerking off in a show of solidarilty to my homeboy, like the friends of those in chemo shave thier heads. So get better soon, as I don't know how long I can hold out!!!!!!
You gotta see if you can get off the night shifts, and get out and see some sunlight.
Being depressed can certainly wear you down, but come now, you are definately doing alot better then you could be. If you in a pit, you can't just jump outta it, you gotta climb!
re: masterbation. Listen, if it helps, manual will abstain from jerking off in a show of solidarilty to my homeboy, like the friends of those in chemo shave thier heads. So get better soon, as I don't know how long I can hold out!!!!!!
manual:
Music/sex/masterbation.....
The Regret is killing me.
You never think it's gonna end, so why say or do the stuff you can do tomorrow.
I always figured we'd be together forever.
I never told how beautiful she was, or how much I truly loved her......but I had a wierd feeling the day before she died that made me want to tell her all these things. And I...
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You never think it's gonna end, so why say or do the stuff you can do tomorrow.
I always figured we'd be together forever.
I never told how beautiful she was, or how much I truly loved her......but I had a wierd feeling the day before she died that made me want to tell her all these things. And I...
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manual:
Hey C....
I know its not the same, but with my old man, I had the same thing happening with forgetting what his face looked like, etc. It made me feel guity too....
Same with regrets about things unsaid,,,,True, I was able to tell him alot of the stuff I wanted to say before he died, but the last time I saw him, he was dropping me off at a bus depot in St. Catherines at 6 in the morning. He drove me there in his crappy van, we drank coffee and smoked cigarrettes, not saying much on account of it being so early.
Anyhow, we got to the depot, I grabbed my bags and said "See ya later". And that was the last time I saw him alive.
Wish I would've said more, hugged him, whatever. But I didn't, and there is nothing I can do about that now.
And about telling Steph how much you loved her, or how beautiful you thought she was, don't worry about it, because if she didn't know it while alive, she know it now.
About forgetting,,, I think what it is is not so much forgetting her, but you are remembering that you remain to live. There is no acceptable or unacceptable amount of sadness that needs to be felt, whatever the amount is, is the amount needed.
Besides, in a relationship of 2 people, you produce many positive and negative memories. Perhaps you are not forgetting , or not being sad enough, maybe you are just unloading and forgetting the negative memories, her death being one of the them. Perhaps you 'forgetting' is assisted by her spirit, as she wants to re-assure and heal your pain? IMO, Steph wants her memory to be a source of a smile, not a source of pain for you.
/m
I know its not the same, but with my old man, I had the same thing happening with forgetting what his face looked like, etc. It made me feel guity too....
Same with regrets about things unsaid,,,,True, I was able to tell him alot of the stuff I wanted to say before he died, but the last time I saw him, he was dropping me off at a bus depot in St. Catherines at 6 in the morning. He drove me there in his crappy van, we drank coffee and smoked cigarrettes, not saying much on account of it being so early.
Anyhow, we got to the depot, I grabbed my bags and said "See ya later". And that was the last time I saw him alive.
Wish I would've said more, hugged him, whatever. But I didn't, and there is nothing I can do about that now.
And about telling Steph how much you loved her, or how beautiful you thought she was, don't worry about it, because if she didn't know it while alive, she know it now.
About forgetting,,, I think what it is is not so much forgetting her, but you are remembering that you remain to live. There is no acceptable or unacceptable amount of sadness that needs to be felt, whatever the amount is, is the amount needed.
Besides, in a relationship of 2 people, you produce many positive and negative memories. Perhaps you are not forgetting , or not being sad enough, maybe you are just unloading and forgetting the negative memories, her death being one of the them. Perhaps you 'forgetting' is assisted by her spirit, as she wants to re-assure and heal your pain? IMO, Steph wants her memory to be a source of a smile, not a source of pain for you.
/m
Things are getting better........but what they say is false.....
Time does not heal all wounds.
I will always miss her.
I will always love her.
They say you never get over your first love.
I hope they are right.
I find it so hard to realize that she is gone forever. No calling her and begging her to take me back. No second chances like...
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Time does not heal all wounds.
I will always miss her.
I will always love her.
They say you never get over your first love.
I hope they are right.
I find it so hard to realize that she is gone forever. No calling her and begging her to take me back. No second chances like...
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Not really sure what to say here.......a good friend of mine suggested I join as a way to vent and express my thoughts.
And I got alot of shit on my mind now, so I guess I 'll just get started by saying my girlfriend passed away 2 weeks ago. You search your whole life for someone to spend it with and then to have...
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And I got alot of shit on my mind now, so I guess I 'll just get started by saying my girlfriend passed away 2 weeks ago. You search your whole life for someone to spend it with and then to have...
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manual:
this outta cheer you up.......
handsome devil, no?
/m
handsome devil, no?
/m
slannyfaced:
it sure did bud.......thanx for the much needed laugh....and still laughing.......and laughing..........
I know it's a fake, but damn that could so be you.....
I know it's a fake, but damn that could so be you.....