"Shine on me Baby, 'cause it's raining, in my heart"
Elliot Smith.
Elliot Smith.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I'm so tired of pretending to be happy, and acting like I care...
this is not what I wanted...
this is not what I had in mind...
and yet this is what I'm getting...
I keep checking my watch to see what time it is...3:00pm, nope not time to die yet.....only 350,400 more hours to go....give or take a few thousand... 40 years doesn't really...
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this is not what I wanted...
this is not what I had in mind...
and yet this is what I'm getting...
I keep checking my watch to see what time it is...3:00pm, nope not time to die yet.....only 350,400 more hours to go....give or take a few thousand... 40 years doesn't really...
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hayes:
And my crush, sad ( or sick ) but true
[Edited on May 09, 2005 4:23AM]
And my crush, sad ( or sick ) but true
[Edited on May 09, 2005 4:23AM]
I am slowly going crazy......1,2,3,4,5,6, switch.
As if dreaming about her wasn't enough, I swear she was in my room last nite.
This may sound absurd or bizarre, but after crying for about an hour straightand begging her to tell me that she is ok and that we will see each other again the room got really cold and this green blanket of light covered...
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As if dreaming about her wasn't enough, I swear she was in my room last nite.
This may sound absurd or bizarre, but after crying for about an hour straightand begging her to tell me that she is ok and that we will see each other again the room got really cold and this green blanket of light covered...
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manual:
well, you asked if she was OK,,,,, maybe you got the answer,,,,,
slannyfaced:
yeah, probably..........doesn't make it any easier tho...
I keep having dreams about her. It's really not making this any easier. I miss her so much.
The dreams are all different, but basically the same. She's dead, but I can still call her on the phone and even see her sometimes. Shitty thing is I always try to call her and can never find her number or she'll call me and I wanot...
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The dreams are all different, but basically the same. She's dead, but I can still call her on the phone and even see her sometimes. Shitty thing is I always try to call her and can never find her number or she'll call me and I wanot...
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manual:
yeah man,,, I sometimes have dreams about my old man. In mine, I get confused and ask my old man why he there,,, "hey, you're dead"....
who says steph being afterlife is a shitty hand? We live to suffer, and this suffering burns away the inpurities. You're gonna make it, man...
who says steph being afterlife is a shitty hand? We live to suffer, and this suffering burns away the inpurities. You're gonna make it, man...
So, I'm suppose to go back to work today.
And I thought I was ready for it.
But I just can't seem to stop thinking about her.
This is gonna suck.
I still miss her so much.
I don't want to go back to work.
I don't want to do anything.
Everything I do seems void of meaning and joy.
For once I was happy....
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And I thought I was ready for it.
But I just can't seem to stop thinking about her.
This is gonna suck.
I still miss her so much.
I don't want to go back to work.
I don't want to do anything.
Everything I do seems void of meaning and joy.
For once I was happy....
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murder:
sorry it took me forever you reply to your comment, long story short, i flat lined for a few seconds.
Got all my music up on SoundClick.....
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/kaneomatic.htm
for those who like electronic music.....or don't.....
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/kaneomatic.htm
for those who like electronic music.....or don't.....
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hayes:
ya I figured my pic problem out somewhat I think, and ya I have to say I do have one nice rack, but a giant penis is nothing to sneeze at!!! 
I'd take a big penis anyday...
I'd take a big penis anyday...
slannyfaced:
hehe...
So, I dreamt about her again last nite.......I was holding her in my arms, hugging and squeezing her so tight. I was so happy. We were laying there faced to face just staring at each other, each of us smiling. Just like it used to be. Then even in my dream I knew she was gone and I started to cry as I held her....
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hayes:
I never went through and read your whole journal, and now I just did, and now I'm sitting here crying, cause I miss her too....
I find myself looking at her drawings alot, staring at them, memorizing certain lines.
Didn't quite know her as deeply as you, but she still left a sparkle on me that I hope will never rub off.
I find myself looking at her drawings alot, staring at them, memorizing certain lines.
Didn't quite know her as deeply as you, but she still left a sparkle on me that I hope will never rub off.
So, today is the first day I didn't go to bed crying and wake up crying......but I really had to focus and concentrate not to loose control. And now as I write I feel the sadness creeping back in. I'm sure this will be one of only a few days like this.
Being off work is definately helping...going to see a grief counsellor in a...
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Being off work is definately helping...going to see a grief counsellor in a...
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manual:
hey C...
haven't heard from you... what's the scoop?
get back to me, sucka...
/m
haven't heard from you... what's the scoop?
get back to me, sucka...
/m
Fucking Doctors.......when will they ever learn. I guess it's my fault though too. I should get a new one who's not 1000 years old......
He talks to me for 5 minutes and without even listening to me prescribes me effexor, and anit-depressant. One that is being banned in the U.K. for cuasing suicidal thoughts, and for people killing other people on it.
Yeah, that's what...
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He talks to me for 5 minutes and without even listening to me prescribes me effexor, and anit-depressant. One that is being banned in the U.K. for cuasing suicidal thoughts, and for people killing other people on it.
Yeah, that's what...
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manual:
By far, the scariest drugs IMO are the ones pushed by doctors, not the ones pushed on street corners....
Fucking with neurotransmitters ain't cool...
Fucking with neurotransmitters ain't cool...
They say old people have been known to die once their spouse dies. They call it dying of a broken heart.
I guess 28 years old isn't old enough to die from a broken heart. It's just at the right age for a lifetime of torturous agony and internal suffering...
Woohoo, what a fun life this is gonna be...
I guess 28 years old isn't old enough to die from a broken heart. It's just at the right age for a lifetime of torturous agony and internal suffering...
Woohoo, what a fun life this is gonna be...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
slannyfaced:
Hey sarcasm, come on in.....but things are looking up I guess....some days are total shit, while other days are just really shitty.......so I guess it is getting alittle better.....
Went to my work Doctor, Dr. Chin, and he's put me off work again for possibly a month.......gotta see a grief counsellor.
Gotta try and get somewhat back to normal...if that's possible...
Went to my work Doctor, Dr. Chin, and he's put me off work again for possibly a month.......gotta see a grief counsellor.
Gotta try and get somewhat back to normal...if that's possible...
manual:
nah,, no sarcasm....
dag! A month huh,,, you gonna be at yer folks? They got you on meds or something?
/m
dag! A month huh,,, you gonna be at yer folks? They got you on meds or something?
/m
Miss ya, when are you coming to see us? Jesse is playing May 14th in the afternoon in St. Catharines with Logan's band. Kev's working, it would be cool if you came with me. Let me know if you're working or if you want to come.