slannyfaced

I'm so tired of pretending to be happy, and acting like I care...

this is not what I wanted...
this is not what I had in mind...
and yet this is what I'm getting...

I keep checking my watch to see what time it is...3:00pm, nope not time to die yet.....only 350,400 more hours to go....give or take a few thousand... 40 years doesn't really seem that long when you look at it that way...

It's a funny feeling not being afraid to die, and not only not afraid but actually looking forward to it.
It's not that I'm suicidal or anything, it's more of a feeling that if something was to happen, like a car accident or something, and I knew I was going to die, I know I would have a big grin on my face.

Such a weird feeling, not wanting to kill yourself, and not wanting to live...

I still miss you baby, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you....which isn't going to make this life any easier...man, being human really sucks sometimes...

Love always,
Caleb.