This sucks.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not.
I hate being so depressed, it is seriously wearing me down...
I can't believe how much I still miss her.....I didn't think it was possible to miss anyone this much....just the thought of her face looking at me and smiling brings me to tears...and I can't not think about her, because I miss her so much.
In the immortal words of Bill Hicks "Life is just a ride, it's full of bumps and jumps, and it goes up and down and all around, but there's no reason to worry or suffer or be afraid, ever, because it's just a ride..."
I've always felt this to be true, and if it is I'm not sure I would wait in line anymore to get on this ride because quite frankly this is one shitty ride I'm on...
And the scariest part of it is I have no idea how long this shitty ride will last. That's what's really scaring me.
Will I always feel this emptiness. I have to think that I will.
And if that is the fact, then how can I be truly happy ever again. I'll always have this nagging guilt of how I wish she was here to enjoy my life with me. How I wish I had done one little thing different to save her so she could be here with me, and be happy.
I had a dream about her 2 weeks after her death. We were walking and I was holding her arm and kissing her face. I asked "What are you doing here? You've been dead for 2 weeks!"
She said "I know, I'm ok now though, everything is ok".
So we just kept walking and I was so happy she was back.
I woke up happy because for a few seconds I actually thought she was back. Then I realized it was all just a dream. That was the last time I can remember being happy.
And now that I think about it, maybe she wasn't back at all. Maybe that was her telling me she's ok now.
Or maybe it was just a dream.
My fears and wishes manifesting in my dreams, which seems more probable.
I just want to talk to her once more. Is that too much to ask.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't keep pretending everything is ok when it's not.
I hate being so depressed, it is seriously wearing me down...
I can't believe how much I still miss her.....I didn't think it was possible to miss anyone this much....just the thought of her face looking at me and smiling brings me to tears...and I can't not think about her, because I miss her so much.
In the immortal words of Bill Hicks "Life is just a ride, it's full of bumps and jumps, and it goes up and down and all around, but there's no reason to worry or suffer or be afraid, ever, because it's just a ride..."
I've always felt this to be true, and if it is I'm not sure I would wait in line anymore to get on this ride because quite frankly this is one shitty ride I'm on...
And the scariest part of it is I have no idea how long this shitty ride will last. That's what's really scaring me.
Will I always feel this emptiness. I have to think that I will.
And if that is the fact, then how can I be truly happy ever again. I'll always have this nagging guilt of how I wish she was here to enjoy my life with me. How I wish I had done one little thing different to save her so she could be here with me, and be happy.
I had a dream about her 2 weeks after her death. We were walking and I was holding her arm and kissing her face. I asked "What are you doing here? You've been dead for 2 weeks!"
She said "I know, I'm ok now though, everything is ok".
So we just kept walking and I was so happy she was back.
I woke up happy because for a few seconds I actually thought she was back. Then I realized it was all just a dream. That was the last time I can remember being happy.
And now that I think about it, maybe she wasn't back at all. Maybe that was her telling me she's ok now.
Or maybe it was just a dream.
My fears and wishes manifesting in my dreams, which seems more probable.
I just want to talk to her once more. Is that too much to ask.