slannyfaced

ya I figured my pic problem out somewhat I think, and ya I have to say I do have one nice rack, but a giant penis is nothing to sneeze at!!! I'd take a big penis anyday...

hehe...

Got all my music up on SoundClick now.....

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/kaneomatic.htm

I never went through and read your whole journal, and now I just did, and now I'm sitting here crying, cause I miss her too....
I find myself looking at her drawings alot, staring at them, memorizing certain lines.
Didn't quite know her as deeply as you, but she still left a sparkle on me that I hope will never rub off.

hey C...

haven't heard from you... what's the scoop?

get back to me, sucka...

/m

By far, the scariest drugs IMO are the ones pushed by doctors, not the ones pushed on street corners....

Fucking with neurotransmitters ain't cool...

Hey sarcasm, come on in.....but things are looking up I guess....some days are total shit, while other days are just really shitty.......so I guess it is getting alittle better.....

Went to my work Doctor, Dr. Chin, and he's put me off work again for possibly a month.......gotta see a grief counsellor.
Gotta try and get somewhat back to normal...if that's possible...

nah,, no sarcasm....

dag! A month huh,,, you gonna be at yer folks? They got you on meds or something?

/m

hey klub,,,,

You gotta see if you can get off the night shifts, and get out and see some sunlight.

Being depressed can certainly wear you down, but come now, you are definately doing alot better then you could be. If you in a pit, you can't just jump outta it, you gotta climb!

re: masterbation. Listen, if it helps, manual will abstain from jerking off in a show of solidarilty to my homeboy, like the friends of those in chemo shave thier heads. So get better soon, as I don't know how long I can hold out!!!!!!

Music/sex/masterbation.....

Hey C....

I know its not the same, but with my old man, I had the same thing happening with forgetting what his face looked like, etc. It made me feel guity too....

Same with regrets about things unsaid,,,,True, I was able to tell him alot of the stuff I wanted to say before he died, but the last time I saw him, he was dropping me off at a bus depot in St. Catherines at 6 in the morning. He drove me there in his crappy van, we drank coffee and smoked cigarrettes, not saying much on account of it being so early.

Anyhow, we got to the depot, I grabbed my bags and said "See ya later". And that was the last time I saw him alive.
Wish I would've said more, hugged him, whatever. But I didn't, and there is nothing I can do about that now.

And about telling Steph how much you loved her, or how beautiful you thought she was, don't worry about it, because if she didn't know it while alive, she know it now.

About forgetting,,, I think what it is is not so much forgetting her, but you are remembering that you remain to live. There is no acceptable or unacceptable amount of sadness that needs to be felt, whatever the amount is, is the amount needed.

Besides, in a relationship of 2 people, you produce many positive and negative memories. Perhaps you are not forgetting , or not being sad enough, maybe you are just unloading and forgetting the negative memories, her death being one of the them. Perhaps you 'forgetting' is assisted by her spirit, as she wants to re-assure and heal your pain? IMO, Steph wants her memory to be a source of a smile, not a source of pain for you.

/m