MyFace, world's worst dating service.
Did you just see that? My awesome literary skills just combined Myspace and Facebook. God damn I'm awesome.
Anyways. I've done some important (a la bored out of my fucking skull) research as of lately. The act of "dating" is the world's worst invention ever. Can you really consider dating an invention? Oh well, it is now.
Upon my investigation I smoked a full pack of cigarettes in 1 hour mainly to look as badass as those 1950/60 detectives on TV. I bet if William Shatner as Captain Kirk smoked cigarettes in every episode while boning jelly bean women that Star Trek would have been 3247983249832 times better than Star Wars, but it ain't. I've studied quite a number of profiles on this site (2) and ponder over the purpose of advertising that your profile is open to dating and serious relationships. I've also checked out a few of my drinking buddies pages who are in relationships and wanted to blow my brain away with the 25 out of 26 comments having the words "I", "You", "Love", etc. in them. Questions like "Who the fuck has to be this obsessive to tell their partner that he/she loves them 12 times a day?" or "Dammit why am I out of b33r?" constantly ran through my head.
I'm pretty sure these said people really care about each other but this much?
I was gonna conclude over the ridiculous thought of people finding "true love" over the internet but I got postponed playing Left 4 Dead and forgot. Oh that's right, it's stupid. The mere thought of advertising my status in hopes that my favorite porn star will automatically find me attractive was actually a drunken dream but none the less a simple fantasy. Yes I know that that has nothing to do with what I'm getting at but it'll have to do.
What ever happened to the good ol days? Going to bars wearing a shirt you just bought from Wal-Mart pretending it's some expensive Indonesian silk shirt and then finding some lonely chick, ask to buy a drink, try to dance drunk, feed her a bunch of lies about how famous you are over seas and then completing the night at your cardboard mansion and then for the next 15 years can't get her to stop calling you to yell at you for making her crotch constantly itch. Has this generation truly gotten this lazy and stupid that we have to log onto a website to get 600 messages about fat chicks looking at your profile and thought you were interesting but you don't think she's fat cuz she used Photoshop to edit her picture to make her look like Angelina Jolie? That brings up another question. How the fuck can anyone find Angelina Jolie attractive?
So now we get to the IF part. If someone on this planet really does meet someone over the internet. Answer, disaster. Disaster that the relationship has to first start with a date. Why's it called a date? Why not "An observational meeting between two people to pick out what they don't like about each other while at the sametime hint towards each other (women mostly prefer to call this teasing) that they want to have sex on the first night but then end it with a shut car door or front house door." I prefer that. Anywho. Dating is retarded in the fact that it brings lost hope and your drunken buddies constantly picking on you cuz you hadn't boned her on the first night even though secretly they haven't done that either unless they used roofies.
Now all that I've mentioned was mostly toward men. Women are alot more easier to explain. Soap operas and romance novels. Sometimes porn too. The answer to this conception is easy too. It's fake and you're never gonna live it.
I rest my case.
Did you just see that? My awesome literary skills just combined Myspace and Facebook. God damn I'm awesome.
Anyways. I've done some important (a la bored out of my fucking skull) research as of lately. The act of "dating" is the world's worst invention ever. Can you really consider dating an invention? Oh well, it is now.
Upon my investigation I smoked a full pack of cigarettes in 1 hour mainly to look as badass as those 1950/60 detectives on TV. I bet if William Shatner as Captain Kirk smoked cigarettes in every episode while boning jelly bean women that Star Trek would have been 3247983249832 times better than Star Wars, but it ain't. I've studied quite a number of profiles on this site (2) and ponder over the purpose of advertising that your profile is open to dating and serious relationships. I've also checked out a few of my drinking buddies pages who are in relationships and wanted to blow my brain away with the 25 out of 26 comments having the words "I", "You", "Love", etc. in them. Questions like "Who the fuck has to be this obsessive to tell their partner that he/she loves them 12 times a day?" or "Dammit why am I out of b33r?" constantly ran through my head.
I'm pretty sure these said people really care about each other but this much?
I was gonna conclude over the ridiculous thought of people finding "true love" over the internet but I got postponed playing Left 4 Dead and forgot. Oh that's right, it's stupid. The mere thought of advertising my status in hopes that my favorite porn star will automatically find me attractive was actually a drunken dream but none the less a simple fantasy. Yes I know that that has nothing to do with what I'm getting at but it'll have to do.
What ever happened to the good ol days? Going to bars wearing a shirt you just bought from Wal-Mart pretending it's some expensive Indonesian silk shirt and then finding some lonely chick, ask to buy a drink, try to dance drunk, feed her a bunch of lies about how famous you are over seas and then completing the night at your cardboard mansion and then for the next 15 years can't get her to stop calling you to yell at you for making her crotch constantly itch. Has this generation truly gotten this lazy and stupid that we have to log onto a website to get 600 messages about fat chicks looking at your profile and thought you were interesting but you don't think she's fat cuz she used Photoshop to edit her picture to make her look like Angelina Jolie? That brings up another question. How the fuck can anyone find Angelina Jolie attractive?
So now we get to the IF part. If someone on this planet really does meet someone over the internet. Answer, disaster. Disaster that the relationship has to first start with a date. Why's it called a date? Why not "An observational meeting between two people to pick out what they don't like about each other while at the sametime hint towards each other (women mostly prefer to call this teasing) that they want to have sex on the first night but then end it with a shut car door or front house door." I prefer that. Anywho. Dating is retarded in the fact that it brings lost hope and your drunken buddies constantly picking on you cuz you hadn't boned her on the first night even though secretly they haven't done that either unless they used roofies.
Now all that I've mentioned was mostly toward men. Women are alot more easier to explain. Soap operas and romance novels. Sometimes porn too. The answer to this conception is easy too. It's fake and you're never gonna live it.
I rest my case.
