skutch

Is it okay to love someone yet still be really disappointed in them sometimes? Isn't love supposed to be so unconditional that you should just accept all that they are, all that they do, without question?
I'm thinking life isn't ever going to go back to being as predictable for me as it once was. Maybe it's me that's changed. Or maybe the whole world was supposed to change and I just didn't get the memo. I honestly don't know what to say anymore. Weary. And I'm tired. It's been almost a month since I've had a decent night's sleep.
Thinking about my social situation just makes things worse. All too often these days I am left utterly confused by the actions of people I used to be able to understand (and thus manipulate, to be honest). Maybe it's because I've been so out of touch with the world these last few months. I've been keeping to myself too much, and now I'm stuck scrambling trying to find a bit of happiness, when I don't even know where I should be looking anymore. It's gone, all of it. Everything I knew, everything I thought I knew. Where are my beautiful moments? Where is there something meaningful?
Potential. Such potential. I was utterly devoted to an idea that was planted almost 5 months ago, which so far has yet to bear fruit. In fact, to continue the metaphor, it has withered and all but died. I wish... I dunno. It's been too long. Far too long. I wonder if I even know how anymore...