Bit of an offpace kind of day. Spent an early morning talking to my older brother, mostly about the tension going on in my immediate family. He feels that recent events are unfair to him, and a great deal of the resentment is natural given his nature but somewhat selfish and shortsighted. I've tried to advise him that adding to the strife will on exacerbate an already stupid situation, but I might have done as well if I'd just talked to my neighbors brick wall. I don't at all blame him for feeling slighted, especially as I probably more than anyone understand his tendency towards a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately attitude. For myself, I long ago acknowledged the stilted nature of family things, and have since moved to a point far beyond its abilities to bother me. My abject refusal to allow anyone to hold power over me, and my indifference and unsettling nature allow me to move in all camps, which in a way causes me to be resented, in the same way that the ignorant always resent those they believe understand things they do not. Winds of favor change, the balance of power will shift and sway. These are as inevitable as the tide and almost as predictable. I care not for any of it. Let my father do as he will. The man is old. Much can be forgiven when you realize that nearly everything he does for us is misguided attempts at compensation out of deep feelings of guilt for what he percieves to be his personal failings as a father.
Anyways, I don't mean to carry on about nonsense. So early this evening Bridget called and begged me to come over, as a get together of some nature was taking place. I eventually agreed, although I still had some minor errands that needed to be attended to first. By the time I arrived Ramen was already there, as were most of the Stones, a sizable family of siblings who share remarkably similar appearances and temperaments. Though I hadn't met most of them, I could immediately identify them and understand their presence. Shortly after I arrived I agreed to go with Bridget to pick Jared up from work, after which there was a somewhat annoying 2 hours full of what I think was pointless wandering around. The happy couple exchanged cross words, and feelings were hurt, which I always find ridiculous and petty, but apparently I don't understand these things, as my tacit mental resolve to never argue or be hurtful has often been mistaken for lack of interest, indifference and/or outright disdain. Anyways it put Bridget in a very bad mood for the remainder of the evening, and after we returned to the apartment she shut herself in their room, presumably crying. I've never quite been sure of where I belong in that social dynamic, as I'm treated like family certainly, but more in the same way one would treat a crude and eccentric Uncle who is thought of fondly but nevertheless kept at a safe distance. And so while I was by nature inclined to attempt to comfort Bridget and try to smooth things over, there were questions of propriety in my mind. And at such times, I find it better to pay attention to personal misgivings. Anyways, it was fun catching up with Ramen, regardless, and hearing about what has been going on. Apparently I've been quite the topic of gossip while I've been in self-inflicted isolation. I feel stupid and guilty about being away for so long, and realize that I've been sorely neglecting my duties to everyone as a friend and confidant. I'll have to do better. They all seemed determined not to let me drift away, and I find this assuring and very endearing.
That said, I should really get to bed now. It has been a very long day.
Anyways, I don't mean to carry on about nonsense. So early this evening Bridget called and begged me to come over, as a get together of some nature was taking place. I eventually agreed, although I still had some minor errands that needed to be attended to first. By the time I arrived Ramen was already there, as were most of the Stones, a sizable family of siblings who share remarkably similar appearances and temperaments. Though I hadn't met most of them, I could immediately identify them and understand their presence. Shortly after I arrived I agreed to go with Bridget to pick Jared up from work, after which there was a somewhat annoying 2 hours full of what I think was pointless wandering around. The happy couple exchanged cross words, and feelings were hurt, which I always find ridiculous and petty, but apparently I don't understand these things, as my tacit mental resolve to never argue or be hurtful has often been mistaken for lack of interest, indifference and/or outright disdain. Anyways it put Bridget in a very bad mood for the remainder of the evening, and after we returned to the apartment she shut herself in their room, presumably crying. I've never quite been sure of where I belong in that social dynamic, as I'm treated like family certainly, but more in the same way one would treat a crude and eccentric Uncle who is thought of fondly but nevertheless kept at a safe distance. And so while I was by nature inclined to attempt to comfort Bridget and try to smooth things over, there were questions of propriety in my mind. And at such times, I find it better to pay attention to personal misgivings. Anyways, it was fun catching up with Ramen, regardless, and hearing about what has been going on. Apparently I've been quite the topic of gossip while I've been in self-inflicted isolation. I feel stupid and guilty about being away for so long, and realize that I've been sorely neglecting my duties to everyone as a friend and confidant. I'll have to do better. They all seemed determined not to let me drift away, and I find this assuring and very endearing.
That said, I should really get to bed now. It has been a very long day.