Here is something personal that I do not often like to bring up, but really needed a place to vent. Knowing that Facebook is NOT the place for it (at all) I thought maybe you guys would be more willing to give constructive advice or support.
I have 2 sons ages 2 and a half & 4 and a half. They are my world. My boys have 2 different fathers, which can be really rough at times, not only for myself but for them as well. I do everything in my power to be civil with their fathers and actually my youngest son's dad and I get along well. We are both very good at co parenting and think very similarly when it comes to our son. I am very pleased with our relationship as co parents.
Here's where things get tricky. My oldest son was diagnosed with autism just before the age of 2. His father and I were separated well before that due to alcohol abuse. After her 3rd DUI I made it clear that my son deserved a better life and he needed to change if I was going to trust him to drive my son around. Ever since he has fought me every step of the way. He lives 2 hours away and I was being fair enough to have my son for a week and then he would have him for a week. After the 3rd DUI I told him he could see him every other weekend. He refused and tried to sue me for full custody. His dad makes a lot of money and paid to get him a nice lawyer (the same lawyer that got him out of a possession charge). I was working full time and was engaged at this time, also pregnant with my second son. I saved any extra money I had to get the best lawyer I possibly could and fought this. After running out of money, time, and energy I gave in and told my lawyer he could have up 4 days with our son and I would get 10 days every other week. I also knew that he couldn't keep a job so I told him I didn't care about child support, but the court ordered that he at least pay $280 a month. It was also stated that when our son starts school he would be seeing his dad every other weekend.
Now, even after the court documentation, I am still dealing with the fighting. He got a job working under the table so he doesn't have to give his son child support, he fights me about getting more time with his son, continuously tells me I'm a bad mother and care more about my "porn" career than I do my son. He considers my modeling porn. Whatever.
I do the best that I can to be civil with this man and I have never given him any reason to believe that I am a bad mother. In fact, I have gotten our son all the helps that he needs medically for his therapies and autism testing ON MY OWN. I've done everything on my own. He can't even get a license to drive his son around due to so many DUI's.
I understand that I have done this to myself. I was a naive 20 year old girl when I got pregnant who thought that I was in love and this man was going to be a devoted father to myself and our son. Since then, I have grown quite a bit. Much less trusting, much less naive. But I'm wondering what the hell I can do to make this man stop being so selfish and understand that him fighting me nonstop is only going to hurt our son in the end. I get so emotional about this because I love my kids more than I love anything in life, and I think about their futures all the time. It scares me to think that in 10 years, when my children are old enough to have visions and beliefs, that they are going to see the tension and the hurt that is caused by this man.
Shitty thing is, I've wanted to get a lawyer to get everything set in stone, make it so there is nothing this man can do to fight me anymore about the custody schedule, or whatever, but I can't afford one and I know it would be another battle because he threatens to bring up my nude modeling as proof that I am an unfit mother. So all I can think of to do is suffer until he either goes back to jail or I get a better job to afford a lawyer... *sigh*
