I don't usually like to vent out my anger and hate. But I'm still in a phase in my life where I'm accepting myself for who I was and what I did, to who I am now and what I do today. I don't talk to anyone that often and I don't think many wanna hear me bitch. Even though its almost been 10 years, I am still having a hard time with things.

Learning to self accept myself now is still a struggle and I feel like I'm alone.

Sure, yes, I have my family. We fight and what not, it's a given you will fight to the death for them. But I have not met someone worth fighting for. To have in and invite into my family. I learned from the past and I have been focused on the here, the now, and the future. Is it bad to say I forgot the feel or touch of a woman? How it feels to have her in my arms? Or how I have been celibate for 3 years?

I keep telling myself its because I'm waiting for the right woman to be in my life...Is that the truth???

Am I lying to myself? I try not to over think things but yet I'm here. Ugh, why is this emotion so hard to tame once started? I feel like some sick person. Mental at times. I think this pursuit is not worth it, but sometimes, I see a glimpse in my dreams. But yet there is none here in reality. Here in the realm of life. it's just a tease I feel. either that or my life is about to get 100000000 times better soon