so far I've been pretty reluctant to talk about anything overly personal on here... and I'm still not sure I want to go that route since I'm a pretty private person.
but the thing is, apparently all of this keeping-shit-to-myself has been causing me to have panic attacks. and they've probably been going on for longer than I realized. see, I quit smoking back in 2001 and not long after, we moved from the middle of the country to the east coast. shortly after the move I started having "attacks" so I went to the hospital. at the time it was diagnosed as asthma and I was told that smokers sometimes develop it when they quit, and that + the change of humidity in the air probably combined to trigger it. sounded reasonable to me. I did the puffer thing for a bit and it eventually seemed to wear off... except every once in a while when I'd have another brief "attack"... since the attacks mainly involve a tight feeling in the chest and inability to breathe, the asthma thing always made sense... at the same time the asthma started, I was also having digestive problems. I don't want too get to graphic, so let's just leave it at that.
but now that my bi-polar wife has finally found a med that seems to stabilize her, she figures these are panic attacks (she has some experience of her own, you see). they've increased in frequency, and the digestive issues have resurfaced as well. add in my on-going seasonal depression and I haven't exactly been a bundle of joy these last few weeks.
I decided, partly at my employers request (I've missed a fair bit of work b/c of this stuff) to call the employee assistance program through work and have been set up with a therapist. first time I'll have ever done something like that. I go in a few days for the first meeting. it's almost stressing me out more than other stuff in my life is - like I said, I'm a really private person, and I'm not sure how comfortable I'll be spilling my guts to a complete stranger. I guess we'll find out soon enough.
in other news I took Vivian (the 4 year old) to her first kindergarten "pre-assessment" today. she LOVED it. so much that she didn't want to leave. I'm looking forward to her going to school, for both her sake and mine. I love my kids like nothing else, but being the primary caregiver from 8am-5pm and then working from 5pm-10pm every night is starting to take it's toll... having only one kid instead of two to deal with during the day will probably be a huge relief. and for her, since we haven't had our kids in daycare, I think she'll really enjoy the social aspect of school, which has been more limited for her thus far due to circumstance.
anyway, if you've read this far you're more patient than I am. wish me luck spilling my guts on Wednesday.
but the thing is, apparently all of this keeping-shit-to-myself has been causing me to have panic attacks. and they've probably been going on for longer than I realized. see, I quit smoking back in 2001 and not long after, we moved from the middle of the country to the east coast. shortly after the move I started having "attacks" so I went to the hospital. at the time it was diagnosed as asthma and I was told that smokers sometimes develop it when they quit, and that + the change of humidity in the air probably combined to trigger it. sounded reasonable to me. I did the puffer thing for a bit and it eventually seemed to wear off... except every once in a while when I'd have another brief "attack"... since the attacks mainly involve a tight feeling in the chest and inability to breathe, the asthma thing always made sense... at the same time the asthma started, I was also having digestive problems. I don't want too get to graphic, so let's just leave it at that.
but now that my bi-polar wife has finally found a med that seems to stabilize her, she figures these are panic attacks (she has some experience of her own, you see). they've increased in frequency, and the digestive issues have resurfaced as well. add in my on-going seasonal depression and I haven't exactly been a bundle of joy these last few weeks.
I decided, partly at my employers request (I've missed a fair bit of work b/c of this stuff) to call the employee assistance program through work and have been set up with a therapist. first time I'll have ever done something like that. I go in a few days for the first meeting. it's almost stressing me out more than other stuff in my life is - like I said, I'm a really private person, and I'm not sure how comfortable I'll be spilling my guts to a complete stranger. I guess we'll find out soon enough.
in other news I took Vivian (the 4 year old) to her first kindergarten "pre-assessment" today. she LOVED it. so much that she didn't want to leave. I'm looking forward to her going to school, for both her sake and mine. I love my kids like nothing else, but being the primary caregiver from 8am-5pm and then working from 5pm-10pm every night is starting to take it's toll... having only one kid instead of two to deal with during the day will probably be a huge relief. and for her, since we haven't had our kids in daycare, I think she'll really enjoy the social aspect of school, which has been more limited for her thus far due to circumstance.
anyway, if you've read this far you're more patient than I am. wish me luck spilling my guts on Wednesday.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
edmoloko:
You weren't kidding about that album being good, Thanks again.
edmoloko:
Yeah it's great, I've been recommending it to friends on Last.fm and been getting the same reaction.