How quickly the weather changes for the worse. Once again, I'm in need of something, and I don't know what it is. Part of me wants to go get fucked up goofy blitzed, forget about work for the rest of my life, and be happy. But my non-frosted shredded wheat side says it's important to have a place to live and to be able to eat.
I guess I really can't blame work so much, but I do because it's a nice excuse. I moved here coming on 5 years ago for a girl, that didn't work out, stayed another 3 for another, that didn't work out, and here I sit, a stranger where I live, trying to figure out people, relationships (in the most simple of ways), what I should be up to, who the hell I should be talking to, what I should be saying, and why I'm not doing anything.
I met someone nice once. Someone who saw how much I truely care. She said she was falling in love with me. A week later, she about married this guy she met in a bar. The only time she talks to me is when she needs something now, or when she's bored. I miss her random phone calls in the middle of the day about nothing.
I guess what I really need is something to give a shit about, because it sure as hell isn't me or anything going on right now.
Pumped full of drugs, but it's only half the equasion. The other half is missing, and I have no idea how to find it, where it is, and how to get it. I just need a hug and to be able to pour my heart out.
Instead, I write. Like millions of people these days, pouring my soul through electrons on a screen, saying way too much, a silent scream to a world that isn't really listening.
The party? Fuck it. No one cares, the host blew me off saying the whole thing had to be a joke.
I can't even listen to music now. My last salvation of the evening, is just more noise in the ether I can't comprehend or enjoy.
I posted my own response to this in someone elses journal, to similar feelings. Too bad for me I just can't give a shit less about how it applies to me
So when will it be MY time? That's hard to say. Seems like never, seems like too long already.
Desperation? Hardly. Apathy, maybe.
I guess I really can't blame work so much, but I do because it's a nice excuse. I moved here coming on 5 years ago for a girl, that didn't work out, stayed another 3 for another, that didn't work out, and here I sit, a stranger where I live, trying to figure out people, relationships (in the most simple of ways), what I should be up to, who the hell I should be talking to, what I should be saying, and why I'm not doing anything.
I met someone nice once. Someone who saw how much I truely care. She said she was falling in love with me. A week later, she about married this guy she met in a bar. The only time she talks to me is when she needs something now, or when she's bored. I miss her random phone calls in the middle of the day about nothing.
I guess what I really need is something to give a shit about, because it sure as hell isn't me or anything going on right now.
Pumped full of drugs, but it's only half the equasion. The other half is missing, and I have no idea how to find it, where it is, and how to get it. I just need a hug and to be able to pour my heart out.
Instead, I write. Like millions of people these days, pouring my soul through electrons on a screen, saying way too much, a silent scream to a world that isn't really listening.
The party? Fuck it. No one cares, the host blew me off saying the whole thing had to be a joke.
I can't even listen to music now. My last salvation of the evening, is just more noise in the ether I can't comprehend or enjoy.
I posted my own response to this in someone elses journal, to similar feelings. Too bad for me I just can't give a shit less about how it applies to me
So when will it be MY time? That's hard to say. Seems like never, seems like too long already.
Desperation? Hardly. Apathy, maybe.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
kellyjanice:
are you coming bowling on friday? what is your vote for the after bowling get together place?
cassiopeia:
I'm in Columbus every so often. Let me know your number or something and we could hang out. Or maybe I'll just see you at one of the SGOhio flings.