skitzjones

I suffer from depression/PTSD/non-specific mood disorder.

It's not something I bring up often. It's not something that I let get to me much anymore.

I used to be on a ton of different medications for it, but after years dealing with it from my time in the military to my time now as a civilian I found that the way the medications made me feel were often worse than the way I felt without them. So I got off of them, and with diet, exercise, meditation, and other lifestyle changes I have been able to put a lot of the down moods behind me.

Today I woke up at 9am when my alarm went off- and I couldn't move for another 2 hours, couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for another 2 hours after that. My whole morning was shot and the whole time I hated myself for it, for the way I felt, for the inactivity, for the complete lack of motivation and drive.

It's been well over a year since I've felt that bad.
I'm back up and moving now, getting on with my day, I'll make it to work and to school as I always do, but it was just a harsh reminder that while things have been going great for me lately, whether it's my grades in school, or my improvements in health and fitness and getting to be more active in wrestling, going to shows and hanging with friends... sometimes that wave is still going to hit whether I like it or not.

There's a lot in my life that is unsettled, my living situation isn't my ideal, romantic relationships have been a bust, money is an up and down battle more often than not, the after effects of my TBIs have been improving, but I still have setbacks that really bother me from time to time.

But those are things I can and will deal with. And they are not the cause of my depressive moods, but I have to keep in mind that they are all works in progress and not to let them make those moods worse.

Mornings like this one are a bitch. They hurt more than any physical ache, but I'll get through them whenever they come. Sometimes I just need to vent and then push through. Whether anyone's reading or not...