skitzjones

Depression's got a hold of me.

Sometimes it just happens, you wake up... and there's nothing different about today from yesterday. But there's just something off. It's you, you know it's all you and it's all in your mind and there's nothing in particular making you feel this way and so you think you should just snap out of it. Just will it away, but it doesn't work like that. So you go through your day, the same as every other day, fulfilling all of the day's obligations, faking your way through every interaction, knowing that something is just wrong. And then you have finished with everything you needed to do, and you hurry back to hide away in the confines of your room, away from prying eyes and potentially intimate questions from the people around you who can't see the war taking place behind your eyes and smile. And you just wait for it to pass.

That's the usual way off it, just hiding away and hoping it will go away, like a nagging burn on the roof of your mouth, or the ache of a knotted muscle in your calf. Impossible to ignore until suddenly it's passed, over and done with.

I'm going to try going to the gym and running until my muscles ache and I struggle to catch my breath and my mind is too distracted by the discomfort to fight with itself any longer. We'll see how it plays out. If nothing else, at least I know the workout is good for me.