3am, sunday, mother's day
My family is states away, my friends as well. I am facing insomnia as I do so often.
My mind wanders off to all the things that were or could have been if my life had gone just a little differently.
I see each step and misstep I've made as another event chainreactioning me into the next moment like a giant rube goldburg towards an unscene and unknowable future result.
I'm not bitter or spiteful or unhappy
I gave all of that up years ago...
no, the parts of me that do all the questioning are just the curious parts that will always wonder.
But I'm happy in the life I'm making for myself, and I look forward to each day to come, even if when lying in bed I'll grown as the sun crests my windowsill.
I just ramble thoughts in my mind, a ceaseless stream of consciousness flow like a crack in a damn until if I'm lucky exhaustion puts me down.
Today I took a friend to a bookstore to buy her a going away present as she's leaving town just as I'm getting to know her and getting settled in the area. A book to read on her flight to become another friend and one-time lover who will be states away.
Then I sat with the dog and watched shitty movies until there was nothing left on but infomercials.
Now I type this until my eyes blur from too much time staring at the computer screen and I'll have to close it up for the night. Not much else to say other than that.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
My family is states away, my friends as well. I am facing insomnia as I do so often.
My mind wanders off to all the things that were or could have been if my life had gone just a little differently.
I see each step and misstep I've made as another event chainreactioning me into the next moment like a giant rube goldburg towards an unscene and unknowable future result.
I'm not bitter or spiteful or unhappy
I gave all of that up years ago...
no, the parts of me that do all the questioning are just the curious parts that will always wonder.
But I'm happy in the life I'm making for myself, and I look forward to each day to come, even if when lying in bed I'll grown as the sun crests my windowsill.
I just ramble thoughts in my mind, a ceaseless stream of consciousness flow like a crack in a damn until if I'm lucky exhaustion puts me down.
Today I took a friend to a bookstore to buy her a going away present as she's leaving town just as I'm getting to know her and getting settled in the area. A book to read on her flight to become another friend and one-time lover who will be states away.
Then I sat with the dog and watched shitty movies until there was nothing left on but infomercials.
Now I type this until my eyes blur from too much time staring at the computer screen and I'll have to close it up for the night. Not much else to say other than that.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.