I'm in a total funk right now... and I don't know what to think or do right now.
Sometimes you think you're doing what someone wants, or the right thing, or whatever... and it ends up not really being the case. Then again... it may very well be the case, and I just may be over reacting again like always.
All I know is I'm so tired. I got to brenda's house around 1:30 and I was beat. I went and got some tommy's and almost fell asleep in the drive through. I ended up calling her, and I just crashed at her place for about 45mins.
I got home around 3:45ish and I decided I was going to over think shit so I stayed up until 5:00am just doing bullshit. Then I get up at 9:30 and here I am at 10:30.
I am supposed to go eat lunch with Beth... but I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll go
So now it's 5:30pm and for some reason I'm totally depressed. I mean I guess I know why... but I don't know why. In the past I've fucked up a lot of good relationships. For one reason or the other I just ended up fucking up in the end. With Kat it was probably for the best that we didn't make it... but bottom line is I loved her to death. We wanted so many of the same things, and now I'm freaking out that I'm so far away from obtaining what I want.
I've learned so much from past mistakes and your fair share of professional help. I feel that for the first time in my life I can go into a relationship knowing what it is that I want. I know how I work, and I feel that I know how to address the issues that would ultimately destroy what I held so dear.
So it's so hard for me to find someone that I care about... I now I know someone that I care about. But she is not in a situation to be invloved 100%. She goes from 10% up to 70% with a flip of the switch. She doesn't want most of her friends to know about us... because her friends are her husbands friends.
For some reason he refuses to give her a divorce. Ultimately she could go and get everything done herself, but she's not that strong right now. I am fighting with myself to not say anything to him. I just want it to be over so she can move on with her life. Yeah I would like her to move ahead with me... however I care about her a lot... and all I want to see is her getting her life in order.
I'm such a sappy bitch right now. I talked to Kat a few days ago, and somehow I feel as if I upset her. Since then she's been a little off. I tried calling her today because I needed a shoulder to cry on (in a metaphoric way). There are a few people in this world that I can disclose anything and everything to. She is one of them. I could always call Shelley, but as much as I lover her... she's a retard sometimes.
I just want to
Sometimes you think you're doing what someone wants, or the right thing, or whatever... and it ends up not really being the case. Then again... it may very well be the case, and I just may be over reacting again like always.
All I know is I'm so tired. I got to brenda's house around 1:30 and I was beat. I went and got some tommy's and almost fell asleep in the drive through. I ended up calling her, and I just crashed at her place for about 45mins.
I got home around 3:45ish and I decided I was going to over think shit so I stayed up until 5:00am just doing bullshit. Then I get up at 9:30 and here I am at 10:30.
I am supposed to go eat lunch with Beth... but I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll go
So now it's 5:30pm and for some reason I'm totally depressed. I mean I guess I know why... but I don't know why. In the past I've fucked up a lot of good relationships. For one reason or the other I just ended up fucking up in the end. With Kat it was probably for the best that we didn't make it... but bottom line is I loved her to death. We wanted so many of the same things, and now I'm freaking out that I'm so far away from obtaining what I want.
I've learned so much from past mistakes and your fair share of professional help. I feel that for the first time in my life I can go into a relationship knowing what it is that I want. I know how I work, and I feel that I know how to address the issues that would ultimately destroy what I held so dear.
So it's so hard for me to find someone that I care about... I now I know someone that I care about. But she is not in a situation to be invloved 100%. She goes from 10% up to 70% with a flip of the switch. She doesn't want most of her friends to know about us... because her friends are her husbands friends.
For some reason he refuses to give her a divorce. Ultimately she could go and get everything done herself, but she's not that strong right now. I am fighting with myself to not say anything to him. I just want it to be over so she can move on with her life. Yeah I would like her to move ahead with me... however I care about her a lot... and all I want to see is her getting her life in order.
I'm such a sappy bitch right now. I talked to Kat a few days ago, and somehow I feel as if I upset her. Since then she's been a little off. I tried calling her today because I needed a shoulder to cry on (in a metaphoric way). There are a few people in this world that I can disclose anything and everything to. She is one of them. I could always call Shelley, but as much as I lover her... she's a retard sometimes.
I just want to