Sunday I climbed up on some pipes about 10 feet off the ground.

I immediately remembered that I was afraid of heights.

I stayed up there for forty-five minutes rubbing my hands on my leggings one by one,

So my hands wouldn't slip as I gripped the bars,

Sweating and shaking.

I got down after the show and I felt high.

My favorite human got punched in the face and needed stitches.

I watched as the doctors injected a tetanus shot and sewed the flesh together.

I am afraid of needles.

I havent had a tetanus shot in 17 years.

I want to puke at the thought

Like I nearly do every time I drive a car,

And every time I think of airplanes,

And every time I talk to strangers,

And every time I hear a noise at night,

And every time I'm in an elevator,

And most minutes of my day.

But I feel so good when I do something I'm afraid of,

It'ss just so rare that I do.

I want to go on adventures and have adrenaline due to anything other than stress.

I want the to feel my heart race from something other than my phone ringing with a number I don't know.

I want to get hurt doing something scary,

And then I want to do it again.

I want to have scars from being brave enough live my life,

Not just scars from when I was afraid to.

(I wrote this the other day and then I closed it. I opened my blog to write something else and saw this as a draft. I guess I changed my mind about posting it.)