Sunday I climbed up on some pipes about 10 feet off the ground.
I immediately remembered that I was afraid of heights.
I stayed up there for forty-five minutes rubbing my hands on my leggings one by one,
So my hands wouldn't slip as I gripped the bars,
Sweating and shaking.
I got down after the show and I felt high.
My favorite human got punched in the face and needed stitches.
I watched as the doctors injected a tetanus shot and sewed the flesh together.
I am afraid of needles.
I havent had a tetanus shot in 17 years.
I want to puke at the thought
Like I nearly do every time I drive a car,
And every time I think of airplanes,
And every time I talk to strangers,
And every time I hear a noise at night,
And every time I'm in an elevator,
And most minutes of my day.
But I feel so good when I do something I'm afraid of,
It'ss just so rare that I do.
I want to go on adventures and have adrenaline due to anything other than stress.
I want the to feel my heart race from something other than my phone ringing with a number I don't know.
I want to get hurt doing something scary,
And then I want to do it again.
I want to have scars from being brave enough live my life,
Not just scars from when I was afraid to.
(I wrote this the other day and then I closed it. I opened my blog to write something else and saw this as a draft. I guess I changed my mind about posting it.)
