I keep saying that I only seem to use this blog to complain about things. Might as well keep that up. Besides I deleted my 'real' blog -- which I failed to update just as often -- and who has livejournal these days anyway?
I've mentioned that over the past year or so (more like 9ish months) I've basically broke up with my former best friend. (No, we weren't a couple, just friends. I just think the term 'broke up' suits the situation well.) Last spring I stopped taking the bus to school just so I could avoid her. This year I've been taking the bus again, and sure enough she gets out of class at the same time I do, so I frequently have to endure the ride home in her presence. I thought that by now it would have been mutually established that we would treat each other like strangers, or at least like mere acquaintances. But of course that never happens in the real world, and our communication consists of awkward stares and pretending to ignore each other.
The first time she and I were on the bus this year, she actually decided to sit down right next to me. I didn't want to sound rude to all of the other people on the bus, so it wasn't like I was going to tell her that she couldn't sit there. It was a very uncomfortable ride. I kept getting the feeling like she wanted to say something (or to apologize, by chance?). But no, she never said anything to me, besides of course rhetorically asking if she could sit there in the first place. She did, however, decide to have a cheery little chat with her boyfriend on her phone. I'm probably reading too much into all this, but it seemed to me like she was calling him intentionally, just so I could overhear how lovely her life is since she's deserted me. I had my headphones in, as usual, but still, I could hear her perfectly.
And then another time, perhaps the next day or so, she ended up sitting right behind me. I saw her get on the bus and then walk past my seat, and I had assumed that she had gone a lot farther back. But no. Right before she got off, she leaned over the seat and was like, "Jessica? Can I say something?" I didn't answer her but I think I exhaustedly raised an eyebrow or something of the sort. I was expecting (hoping really) that she would offer some kind of hasty apology considering she was getting off soon, but no. Instead she decides to tell me about some company that's hiring at the moment. Right. You completely stop talking to me for months on end and then just show up and tell me to get a job? And that was the only thing you had to say? Not even some decent small talk building up to it? It's like she thought she was doing something nice for me but instead it's just made me even more irritated. Granted, her information was somewhat helpful because I'm leaving my shitty job at the end of this month and I need to find a new one, but still.
And then today she did another (un)intentional phone thing. There were plenty of open seats on the bus, but of course she decides to sit not directly next to me but close enough for me to hear her talking. And then she decides to call someone about getting an apartment, saying that she'll probably be moving out in January and so forth. There's nothing strange about that of course. We're in college. People move out. But I just can't help feeling that she made the call when she knew that I could hear her. It's like she knows that my life has been kind of slow and depressing for the past year, and she just wants to rub it in my face. She called her boyfriend because I'm single; she told me about the job because I'm in that sucky first job stage while she's been working for a few years; she called about apartments because I won't be able to afford to move out for a few years yet.
And don't tell me, I know that I'm probably just letting my emotions dictate my reasoning for these things--I'm a psych major ok? And I think about things too much anyway. I just hate the fact that she's still around. She left. And it's like now she's kind of trying to creep back in with some secret weapon to bring me down.
I don't know. Maybe I'll just take a different bus.
I've mentioned that over the past year or so (more like 9ish months) I've basically broke up with my former best friend. (No, we weren't a couple, just friends. I just think the term 'broke up' suits the situation well.) Last spring I stopped taking the bus to school just so I could avoid her. This year I've been taking the bus again, and sure enough she gets out of class at the same time I do, so I frequently have to endure the ride home in her presence. I thought that by now it would have been mutually established that we would treat each other like strangers, or at least like mere acquaintances. But of course that never happens in the real world, and our communication consists of awkward stares and pretending to ignore each other.
The first time she and I were on the bus this year, she actually decided to sit down right next to me. I didn't want to sound rude to all of the other people on the bus, so it wasn't like I was going to tell her that she couldn't sit there. It was a very uncomfortable ride. I kept getting the feeling like she wanted to say something (or to apologize, by chance?). But no, she never said anything to me, besides of course rhetorically asking if she could sit there in the first place. She did, however, decide to have a cheery little chat with her boyfriend on her phone. I'm probably reading too much into all this, but it seemed to me like she was calling him intentionally, just so I could overhear how lovely her life is since she's deserted me. I had my headphones in, as usual, but still, I could hear her perfectly.
And then another time, perhaps the next day or so, she ended up sitting right behind me. I saw her get on the bus and then walk past my seat, and I had assumed that she had gone a lot farther back. But no. Right before she got off, she leaned over the seat and was like, "Jessica? Can I say something?" I didn't answer her but I think I exhaustedly raised an eyebrow or something of the sort. I was expecting (hoping really) that she would offer some kind of hasty apology considering she was getting off soon, but no. Instead she decides to tell me about some company that's hiring at the moment. Right. You completely stop talking to me for months on end and then just show up and tell me to get a job? And that was the only thing you had to say? Not even some decent small talk building up to it? It's like she thought she was doing something nice for me but instead it's just made me even more irritated. Granted, her information was somewhat helpful because I'm leaving my shitty job at the end of this month and I need to find a new one, but still.
And then today she did another (un)intentional phone thing. There were plenty of open seats on the bus, but of course she decides to sit not directly next to me but close enough for me to hear her talking. And then she decides to call someone about getting an apartment, saying that she'll probably be moving out in January and so forth. There's nothing strange about that of course. We're in college. People move out. But I just can't help feeling that she made the call when she knew that I could hear her. It's like she knows that my life has been kind of slow and depressing for the past year, and she just wants to rub it in my face. She called her boyfriend because I'm single; she told me about the job because I'm in that sucky first job stage while she's been working for a few years; she called about apartments because I won't be able to afford to move out for a few years yet.
And don't tell me, I know that I'm probably just letting my emotions dictate my reasoning for these things--I'm a psych major ok? And I think about things too much anyway. I just hate the fact that she's still around. She left. And it's like now she's kind of trying to creep back in with some secret weapon to bring me down.
I don't know. Maybe I'll just take a different bus.