yeah, for now work is work at least. until i'm "excess" and they cut me.
and i doubt i'll find anyone anytime soon, but oh well.
but it's all cool because the ass makes up for it.
So I just got back from the doctors and it was pretty much Iceing on this shitty cake all ready,But I'm not even going to frett on it because things happen for a reason and I'm just a little tired of trying to think why for, or let my friends know so they can have a beer on my behalf because they feel bad, they... Read More
was raised to be Strong, I WAS raised to be silent, I was led to be live that I always had to be strong for others, including myself, but yet I always forgot about myself.
I'm a pillar filled with confidence and strength, my walk shows it, I have a sway to my hips and I walk tall and strong. But this is only on... Read More
I don't really think it is fair for you to have to suffer in silence...Even if that's how you were taught and who you are. If "they" are like me, maybe that's why they can't understand it.
Eventually, taking on the pain and problems of everyone else will catch up to you...Or at least, it did to me. You can only put others ahead of yourself and forget about being strong for yourself for so long. In my case, it just got to a point where everything just boiled over. Everything that I had ignored and kept silent about hit me all at once...In the eyes of my family and friends, it only took an instant...I went from being this strong character who was always there for them despite having to deal with my own shit that life had thrown at me, to truly considering whether or not I should just end it all.
It took me a long time to realize that I really just needed to focus on myself for a while. And while I still struggle with that, things have gotten so much better for me...In more ways than I can count.
I know our situations and characters are different and whatnot, but I just don't want to see you crushed by this. No matter how strong we are, one person can't support the world. I'm not saying don't be there for them...Just don't forget about yourself.
And thank you for the comment.. I'm sure I'll end up posting what I wrote down at some point...But for now, I think I'll keep it tucked away in my notebook
For someone like me to let there guard down it's alot, I've been hurt way to much, to let it down anymore. So when I feel free and that I can it feels so good like I have it drank in a 100 years, Like I was starving and and I had my first meal....it feels wonderful....
then when it's taken away, and I never... Read More
I'm going to watch the movie A Haunting leaving very soon going with Vicious_driver, he's a old friend from back in the day ...... were gonna catch up, I still have the Killer Rabbit that he got me for my bday, it's the rabbit from those monty python movies.....
After that I have to meet my best friend at our stomping grounds she's meeting... Read More
I'm bored today, I useally can find something to entertain me... but I can't today, my ass hurts from sitting, I do have a sink full of dish's to do but I don't feel like doing that. I despies dish's. I drank to much coffee and I'm twitching like a crack addict. sigh
I'm rereading a book called "Teeth and Tongue landscape" by my favoriet... Read More
Time to go do my second job on weekends.... performing in an all- male strip revue in front of 1,000's of screaming, clawing women. Hahahahaha!!! I wish!!! Actually I've been at Penn St. umpiring the Nitts against Ohio St. 3 game series. Bout ready to head to final game of series. This is the only job where someone besides u calls me an asshole!! Hahahaha... and blind..... and a f__king iiot.... and those r just the nice names!!! Hahahaha! Hard job to do when ur sensitive so I just through their asses out of the game!
Still miss u, that will never change until ...
Hold off for a bit until I can get there, please! Oh, shit...where are you? PA is a big state! 
and i doubt i'll find anyone anytime soon, but oh well.
but it's all cool because the ass makes up for it.