sjofn_

This is how I feel today,This blog is going to be a lot of I . and ME without being accusing or judgmental to anyone but myself. The words in my head are screaming at me to come out
here's a song that the words are so beautiful, it's something I always try to live my life to.... as well as I wish people could.

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It's about 2 pm and I just poured myself my 3rd whiskey and cherry coke, my goal ...yes to not to be able to stand let alone feel the betrayal that I feel. I have this icky feeling of tiny cockroach's crawling on the inside of my body.
Almost like one by one they will be crawling out of my mouth, like there was little white cockroach eggs called not good enough were hatching inside of me, now I just want to vomit.

If anyone can't handle how raw this blogs going to be and how long it's going to be... then don't read it!! I don't care, so you have been warned......

I find it amusing ( not really) how everyone is so wrapped up in physical abusive.How Everyone is so against it and How people hate seeing physical evidence of it. I do agree that it is a horrible thing to go threw . Been there I won't talk how many broken ribs or just bones in general that have been snapped to show me who was in control. You know what though Bones can heal quicker then lies and hurtful words because you lied.

This why I don't lie, and I really don't care if you believe me, That's the wonderful thing about always telling the truth, you know it's the truth. No covering up shit, I can be real to people and important to I can be real to myself.

I can be real to people, and what you get is all of me, not just part of me but all of me.Everyone on here knows the real me!!! Not what I just want you to see.I'm not afraid of anything, I know no fear because I wouldn't be able to experience this short life that I might have .

THough in all this, I still have my faults, giving myself completely to everyone in my mind I think that they should do the same to me. That's not the case though, I do understand this... I do....People in this world will never fully let go of there fears, they will play games, and Play with your feelings because they don't want to hurt you.... of course some people just like to hurt others ... that's a different topic all together

I think that I may get extra hurt, not saying that my pain is worse then anyone else's or anything like that, because belive me if I could I would take everyone's pain away and keep it as my own.So no one would ever have to feel this. I know this is my fault though I'm not blaming any one but me.I understand that I'm not good enough and that's why this happen... lol I'm pathetic I understand that every relationship I've been in I was beat, that's what I"m good for a punching bag, That's why I'm here to make other's feel strong and good about themselves. to make them raise there head high and be proud as all of you should be .

I never put myself first , I really don't want to, but know I'm tired so very tired of it all......Tired of lyers and hurtful people. That are just trained in saying whatever I want to hear. I belive in every human and I get disapointed in them, and I'm tired .

I think I just want to pretend I'm someone else now, everyone else does it, and they live a happy life and get the happiness.
So welcome to the new Sjofn the one that's pretty much has the Fuck you personality, but I only have my self to blame