was raised to be Strong, I WAS raised to be silent, I was led to be live that I always had to be strong for others, including myself, but yet I always forgot about myself.
I'm a pillar filled with confidence and strength, my walk shows it, I have a sway to my hips and I walk tall and strong. But this is only on the outside never on the in.
No weakness none I'm not aloud to show, I suffer quietly because that's how I was taught.
On the out side I'm nothing but a illusion, a myth, a joke, the whisper there thanks to me, but in the end I will be made to suffer so they don't have to. The others that don't know the cruel bunch that don't understand, whisper with there tongue and call me names Whore and bitch.
So I drink and tell funny stories I boast and laugh at loud, and all while people fall for this myth and they call me cold and distant and uncaring. They think I have hidden agenda's they think where is this illusion where did she go.
But I"m here ti's all still inside of me
My body is filled with scars of all of my suffering all of my silence. No one understands that I want to take every one's pain and be the only one to feel it.
In my life I have only cried 7 times, and that is the truth 7 I can count that on my fingers oh yes on two hands. I was taught to suffer in silence I was taught that it's fine for me to be used and abused because it's okay so they do not have to hurt.
No one understands, even those that say they love me and I'm so very amazing, I'm not it's a lie, I have dreams and hopes that I wish could come true but I know that I'm not meant for that life . I'm meant to suffer in silence so no one else has to
Why don't they understand?
I'm a pillar filled with confidence and strength, my walk shows it, I have a sway to my hips and I walk tall and strong. But this is only on the outside never on the in.
No weakness none I'm not aloud to show, I suffer quietly because that's how I was taught.
On the out side I'm nothing but a illusion, a myth, a joke, the whisper there thanks to me, but in the end I will be made to suffer so they don't have to. The others that don't know the cruel bunch that don't understand, whisper with there tongue and call me names Whore and bitch.
So I drink and tell funny stories I boast and laugh at loud, and all while people fall for this myth and they call me cold and distant and uncaring. They think I have hidden agenda's they think where is this illusion where did she go.
But I"m here ti's all still inside of me
My body is filled with scars of all of my suffering all of my silence. No one understands that I want to take every one's pain and be the only one to feel it.
In my life I have only cried 7 times, and that is the truth 7 I can count that on my fingers oh yes on two hands. I was taught to suffer in silence I was taught that it's fine for me to be used and abused because it's okay so they do not have to hurt.
No one understands, even those that say they love me and I'm so very amazing, I'm not it's a lie, I have dreams and hopes that I wish could come true but I know that I'm not meant for that life . I'm meant to suffer in silence so no one else has to
Why don't they understand?
Eventually, taking on the pain and problems of everyone else will catch up to you...Or at least, it did to me. You can only put others ahead of yourself and forget about being strong for yourself for so long. In my case, it just got to a point where everything just boiled over. Everything that I had ignored and kept silent about hit me all at once...In the eyes of my family and friends, it only took an instant...I went from being this strong character who was always there for them despite having to deal with my own shit that life had thrown at me, to truly considering whether or not I should just end it all.
It took me a long time to realize that I really just needed to focus on myself for a while. And while I still struggle with that, things have gotten so much better for me...In more ways than I can count.
I know our situations and characters are different and whatnot, but I just don't want to see you crushed by this. No matter how strong we are, one person can't support the world. I'm not saying don't be there for them...Just don't forget about yourself.
And thank you for the comment.. I'm sure I'll end up posting what I wrote down at some point...But for now, I think I'll keep it tucked away in my notebook