I said I was gunna do more blogs and failed hard haha. Well here's another attempt. They may not be close together but they will happen.
So here's for some brutal honesty about what life has been like for me lately. Great! But I have not been.
That's the thing about mental illness, on paper things are perfect but in your head they couldn't be worse. I'm not really sure when or where I lost control. But I did. I have had the realization that I am not ok, and it was hard to admit to myself and those who care about me. To realize that I have been screaming for help in all of the wrong ways and not even realize it until someone completely unexpected reached out to me because they were worried.
I cried, a berated myself and felt guilty. Guilty for making people worry. And annoyed at myself for not understanding why they worried and thinking that I'm not worth them caring about. But it also opened my eyes and made me realize that it is time to get some help.
But along with this realization I have made the decision to actually do something about it. I never thought the day would come that I willingly return to therapy but I know when I can no longer fight this on my own.
I don't post this as a cry for help or attention, I post this because I believe that it is very important to talk about mental illness. And to let people know that they are not alone, because knowing that you aren't alone when you feel the most lonely is extremely important.
Looking forward to tomorrow.
-Sjofn 💜
