sjerms

I want to fuck Natalie Portman. Yes, the first time I saw her, she was 12. But I was only 15… in a sense, we grew up together. And I wouldn’t have dated her when she was 12, that’s just the first time I saw her.

I need someone new to obsess over. Like a real person- someone I’ve met or will meet in the near future… someone I might be able to actually touch at some point.

I think it’s pretty clear that I need to move to Brazil.

Last night I poured my heart out to a girl I’ve been in love with since I was 17. I told her that I love her and that she’s the best thing ever (this is not verbatim. I said a lot more than that, but it gives you an idea of what I said). Then, she said, “thank you.” I feel just like Ralph Wiggum...
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That weekend we moved out of our first place… we spent Sunday not moving at all. It was me and you constantly naked on a shitty air mattress. We spent the entire day fucking and watching Arrested Development. Our bodies fit together so well! And when you came you’d always tremble for a minute. It was absolutely adorable!

I was six years old. It was on CBS… the network television premier of Star Wars…they preempted The Jeffersons and After MASH (a short-lived spin-off of MASH). One of my older brothers, Michael, taped it and sat there pausing the VCR so as not to record the commercials. He did the same thing for V: The Final Battle. I miss being 6.

I’m thinking I’d like to date a Latina. Judging from personal experience, they’re lovely women. Very sweet and very warm. And when they call me papi, I just want to fucking melt. Now, if I can find a woman to call me papi AND play with my penis from time to time- that’s just like winning the lottery.

I would really just like to smell a pussy.

Just curled up on a couch or bed or a recliner… kissing deeply and passionately… our hands fumble a bit at first, just getting used to a new body… they learn the terrain quickly and quickly you forget what life was like before you were gently cupping her breasts and chewing on her earlobe. Learning her sounds and smells… I’ll memorize them almost immediately. I’d...
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I should just act like Richard Dawson and kiss every single woman I meet on the mouth. I’m just a little scared of unwittingly contracting mouth herpes. I mean, at least genital herpes I can keep hidden from the world. Mouth herpes, however, is completely visible to anyone I meet. Plus I have herpes. There’s no silver lining. I just have herpes.

The best is after we’re done having sex, I have my arm around you and your head on my chest… that’s the best time to smell your scalp. And, if I want, I can do it without you knowing because of where your head is resting. Thing is, is that I want you to know. I want you to hear me taking in gigantic whiffs....
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So, I’ve begun to accept the fact that I’ll probably never have another girlfriend. It’s shitty, because I’m really much better when I have a girlfriend. Not just sex… I’m 43, so sex no longer really matters to me anymore. Would I have it given the opportunity? Of course I would. It’s just no longer my primary motivation. I miss having a woman next to...
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