sivadelfuego

I have an inexplicable feeling of sadness this evening. I feel a harrowing apprehension to teaching and a feeling of fright about working against the tremendous bureaucracy of MSB with all the stiffs who teach business and such.

That begs the question: what would I be happy with? My old job. I really, really miss working with my bosses and coworkers at Power On. And, perhaps saddest of all, for the first time I feel like my best songs are behind me. I listen to songs like "To Fall Asleep" and "All In Time" and I have no idea how I wrote them or recorded them so well. The songs just came alive. The took my hand and showed me how to make them. I only feel like the world needs to know about them and how special they are, that I owe it to my songs to share them with everyone I can possibly share them with. But I feel like I fall short of that task. I feel I lack the skills to properly honor them.

I sit at my studio feeling like a mad man, sitting at an abandonned church built for a god who has long since left this world, waiting for a vision, another sign after years of nothing.

I feel sort of like my life is over, like there's nothing to look forward to anymore.