sita

My wisdom teeth are coming in again. The whole left side of my mouth is sore.

I think I'm burnt out. I've been in extreme party mode for what seems like the past month. I need a break. Yesterday was the cake. I've seen enough fucking people for a long while.

I think I'll recede for a bit. Take some me time. I go out and meet people and they talk about themselves and what they're into. I don't even really have my own interests anymore. I don't know that there is anything really wrong with that. I'm not an ambitious person.. I don't have any goals. No fucking 5 year plan here. But, christ. People are like, "I'm an [actor / film maker / screenwriter / musician], what do you do?" Uh, nothing? And it's true!

I want to make my third attempt to complete massage therapy certification. I'm concerned about that because I'm so damned loopy. Will I really be able to finish this time? Or will I go for a few months, get distracted and then run off to another city again? It seems likely. The scenery has changed but not the situation.

I got kinda frustrated yesterday. I went to the film fest thingit by myself and I can't even count how many people asked me who I came with. Myself. That's how I go most everywhere. The only other people I know are boys and there's usually only one reason why boys know me so I generally hate inviting them out with me because no matter how I say it or do it it always implies something more and then they get frustrated and end up punching people or hating me or both.

I'm such a fuckin weirdo.

But all these people knew each other. How's the wife. How's the kids. Yadda yadda.... And they loved each other and it was really weird for me. I'm just not like that with people. Never have been. I move around too much. I don't keep in touch. I'm thoughtless and flakey. I have poor interpersonal communication skills. I'm not tactful in my manner of speaking. People like me and they're not sure why and then they realize they didn't really like me they were just curious.

Frenchy, I miss you.

My best friend is my cat. Most of our time spent together involves him biting and scratching while I try to fight him off. How many volumes does that speak?

Blah. I'm tired. With the amount of caffiene and nicotene I absorb on a daily basis I'm too jittery when it comes time to sleep. Plus, I can't commit to buying a bed because I hate moving them when it's time to run so I sleep on the floor which is uncomfortable. I forgot to buy sleeping pills. I should go hurry a few more beers and instead of sleep I can atleast just pass out.